If you’re like me, you probably show up at small campus gatherings looking like this and smelling like this while still expecting to successfully socialize with seven to ten strangers. Unfortunately, that shit don’t work. Through careful research (which primarily involved me searching for the word “meh” on the Google), I’ve developed a strategy guide to make you a relatively okay partygoer. I can’t make you into a party superstar, but I can certainly put you right in the middle of the pack. I mean, hell, we can’t all achieve our dreams. Lower your expectations. Geez.
Full weekend lineup after the jump!
It’s Sunday morning brunch, and you’re sitting at your table on New Side, nursing a hangover with a plate full of hash brown triangles. In between complaints about all the work you have to do this afternoon, you look over at the other table to see Jane Doe wearing your bracelet, a family heirloom that has been passed down for generations that you sort of accidentally misplaced last night whilst stumbling around your friend’s NCA in a drunken stupor. What do you do? Continue reading
If you haven’t caught on yet, the campus tour guide lied during your prospie days: while a lot of parties and events on campus are open to all, there are infinitely more places where you are 100%, completely, not welcome. Your friend’s friend is having a pregame? Not with you. That guy down the hall has 80 people in his room? He doesn’t want you to be one of them. Your roommate is watching Downton Abbey with someone from her Chem lab? Get your own popcorn, moochy.
Maybe this never happens to you, but for the rest of us, weekends require some work to prevent a lonely Netflix binge. Sometimes this can be done with dignity. Others, you have to invite yourself somewhere where you were not originally wanted. This takes a bit of finesse, but never fear! The Thrill is here to guide you. Continue reading
Hey so about Send-Off, it totally happened. Regardless of whatever you heard, it happened. Seriously it might even be happening right now, I’m pretty sure it is. Peirce is still open, and it never tasted so good. Get out in the sun, you doiners, because nap time is closing in and this experience is only three (maybe four) times in a life time.