The Friday Ketchup


The first semester’s basically over, guys. That means we only have a single semester left this entire school year. For you first years, that means soon you’ll be doing all sorts of fun stuff like rushing a Greek organization, or playing a spring sport, maybe even applying for an internship. For seniors like me, that means the next few months will be spent in utter terror as we face the increasingly approaching truth that is reality and “adulthood,” that nebulous concept hiding in the dark corners of our mind, beckoning to us like the grim reaper, spreading fears of a dead end job and a loveless marriage that slog along for forty years and then you’re old and retired and useless and no one wants you anymore, and you look back on your life and realize its all been wasted, but you come to terms with it in such a sad way, because no one like a bitter old man. So I sure can’t wait for that. It’s the Friday Ketchup.
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Paul Blart: Safety Officer

Paul's always ready for any emergency, no matter how big or how smal

Paul’s always ready for any emergency, no matter how big or how small

Word has it that we might have a new addition to Campus Safety: Paul Blart. Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 opened this weekend to rave reviews, and I think we can bet that there’s going to be a Paul Blart 3 coming soon. Well listen up, Hollywood, because I have an idea for you: Paul Blart at Kenyon, joining the ranks of Kenyon’s Finest. Can’t you picture Paul Blart hanging around Kenyon, doing Safety things? It’s ok if you can’t, because I did it for you.

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