It’s Valentine’s Day in the city of love, and nobody does romance like the students of Kenyon College. The weather is ripe for the romance, as freezing rain could emerge at any moment. Fear not! There is sensuality in the slush. Here’s how to make the most of this dismal Gambier Valentine’s day with your sweetheart:
The big VD is approaching fast, yes we mean venereal disease, but also, we mean Valentine’s Day, and oh boy are you sweatin’ because you haven’t found a hot honey to shower with chef Jeremy bars. We know the remedy for anxiety, we know how to scratch that itch, we know how to plug your wounds: sign up for a Peirce Date.
Are you on a quest for that special someone to hold you at night? Have you been searching for the One? Do you like Piña Coladas AND getting caught in the rain? Well do I have news for you! For a limited time only, The Thrill is offering to set you up on a date.
An evening of extravagance awaits, darlings. You’ll eat the finest Peirce entrées, be treated to signature cocktails, and waited on by our editorial staff.
All you have to say is yes, cutie pie.
If you’re interested in meeting new people in a romantic setting, contact us at email@example.com, and we’ll set you up!
Yours, and only yours,
The Kenyon Thrill
We’ve seen your comments, we’ve heard your cries, and now it’s time for—you guessed it—the return of Peirce Dates. In this classic Thrill feature, we set up two complete strangers on a blind date in Peirce to prove that love can be found among even the blandest of vaguely-Asian noodle bowls. Join us and watch as romance, or at least new friendship, blooms.
Do you feel face blind when you walk into a party? Have you been cat-fished or gaslit? Do think back fondly on the simpler times when you told people they were cute on ask.fm? Are you just looking for someone to share your life with on this desolate hill? Are you jaded as fuck and eating a tuna salad in Peirce right now?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, delete your Tinder and give a Peirce Date a chance. Continue reading