Cooking Peirce’s Greatest Hits in my Kitchen at Home

I don’t know if you’ve been watching the news or reading your emails or even briefly glancing at your phone, but we’re in a bit of a situation right now, and because of it, people have been pretty active at grocery stores. In fact, the night Governors Lamont, Cuomo and Murphy banded the tri-state area together and shut down all its non-essential businesses, people pretty much went feral at the local grocery stores. This happened nationally. So, missing certain Peirce meals, I wanted to see if I could recreate a full day in our dear dining hall in my own kitchen using whatever ingredients I could get at Stop & Shop after everyone lost their minds.

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Kenyon Fowls

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If nothing else, Kenyon College is a strict gulag where deviation from social norms is met with quick and brutal retaliation. God I love it here. So, despite our social codes being mostly unwritten, I decided to jot down the Seven Deadly Kenyon sins. Also how they are directly related to birds. Tag yourself if you don’t fear being “ostrich-ized” by your peers. Continue reading

5 Ways to Sit in Peirce Without Facing the Crippling Reality of Being Known

At this point, it feels like the people asking if they can take a chair from your table are just trying to point out how alone you are because there’s several completely empty tables surrounding you that they could take a chair from. Here’s how you can tackle your inner demons and feel safe to eat in Peirce once and for all.

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Peirce Hack: Just Don’t Go

 

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A brief slice of food for thought. Next time you’re about to enter Peirce thinking about what mystery meat is on the table today or what vegetable-that’s-not-a-vegetable (I’m looking at you corn) is gonna be up for grabs this time, might I suggest taking a step back, doing a 180, and hightailing it to the nearest, I don’t know, Pop-Eyes or whatever.

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Peirce Hooch

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It is shockingly easy to ferment fruit and make alcohol out of it, a product colloquially known as “hooch.” Various prisons try to crack down on the practice but, given that it pretty much only requires fruit, sugar, and an airlock, the tradition of hooch continues. And wouldn’t you know, fruit and sugar and both things we have in our lovely dining hall, Peirce. I thought one day, while getting yet another banana from the servery, that perhaps I could be getting more bang for my buck. Perhaps, I could be making Peirce Hooch.

note: the Kenyon Thrill does not recommend that anyone tries this at home, especially underage readers or anyone who enjoys things that taste good.

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