A Definitive Ranking of Peirce’s Mayonnaises

peirce05

Picture this: You’re in the servery. It’s cold and dark. You’ve just finished making your 10th sandwich of the day. You go to put some sweet, sweet mayo on that baby, only to stand there, helpless as you shake the bottle for what seems like a millennia. People line up behind you, their eyes staring daggers into your back. A baby is crying somewhere in the distance. You start to sweat profusely. The room fills with your sweat, and you’re still holding onto that goddamned mayonnaise bottle, drowning, drowning, crying out for help–All right, I think you get the point. Anyone who’s been around me for more than 3 milliseconds knows of my shameful love of mayonnaise in all of its many shapes and forms. What can I say? Blame it on my heritage. Whether it be Hellman’s (for your average joe), aioli (for the more refined) or Vegenaise (for the socially woke health nuts out there), there’s nothing that a fat dollop of mayo can’t fix. Getting said mayonnaise, however, can be a humbling experience. That’s why I’ve decided to ease your Mayo Mishaps with this much-needed list!

Continue reading

Advertisements

Peirce Playlist: Bop Your Sadness Away

Ronan Weber, ’20, posing as an Abercrombie & Fitch mannequin in the Alumni Dining Room.

So, if you’re like me and you try to get breakfast occasionally, there is the morning trek to Peirce. The sun is blinding even on a rainy day, and once you get to the doors they are somehow stuck again. This is the problem we face at Kenyon: how do we capture the emotions of a particular experience? The feeling of walking in the fresh air from the first year quad to Peirce and the immediate drowsiness of the dim yellow light of the entrance? The sudden entrance into the liminal, timeless and clock-less space that is the servery? Well, boy do I have the playlist for you.

Continue reading

10 o’clock list: Peirce Aphrodisiacs

man-eating-a-fresh-oyster-BC76E7

alamy babyyy

Sure we’ve all heard of oysters, strawberries, and chocolates as aphrodisiacs, food to fuel your sex drive. But if you’re on a budget this Valentine’s Day and still looking to get sultry with a special someone, we all know that fresh fruit and seafood is hard to come by in the servery. That’s why we here at the Thrill have put together a list of alternative Peirce aphrodisiacs that are sure to liven up the libido. Alternatively titled, a List of Foods to Get You in the Mood, here’s the Thrill’s science certified list of Peirce foods to help make this year’s Valentine’s day extra sexy and special.

Continue reading

10 o’clock list: Ways to Get Spooky This Halloween (and anytime after if you’re feeling crazy)

1_zRbyCtu2SNbh5H72WZHfFw

Every time October 31st rolls around there’s a sense of spook in the air. You can feel it. There is an energy traveling through the campus among the fall foliage. Sometimes it’s hard to know how this manifests and what to do with all those spooky feelings. But, alas, do not fear. Read on and get spooky.  Continue reading

Peirce Hacks: Face Masks

alison cucumber.jpg

It’s October! The leaves are changing, you’re realizing that you shouldn’t have skipped that week of Modern Quest readings, and your once-perfect skin is beginning its annual shedding. With the cold weather comes dry skin and, boy, this year it’s looking rough. Your Glossier moisturizer has dried up and your $30 Organic Spirulina Gluten-Free Foaming Face Mask has grown spots of its own, so what can you do? This wouldn’t be a problem if you had access to a Lush or even the Target skin care aisle, but the closest thing in Gambier is the Burt’s Bees section in the Bookstore and, let’s be honest, your frequent VI trips have left you with a measly $3.44 on your K-Card. I guess you’ll just have to eat away your sorrows in… That’s it! Peirce! It’s time to game the system and make your meal plan work for you and your face.

Continue reading

I Let Robots Tell Me What to Eat for 3 Days

Screen Shot 2018-09-18 at 1.42.14 PM

Zo, you trickster, you!

 

Look, I’m not gonna beat around the bush. Here at the Thrill we like to do dumb shit in Peirce that would upset our health-conscious parents and is probably contributing to our inevitable descent into heart failure. It’s almost become a rite of passage to debase ourselves in the servery and this week, it’s finally my time to shine. But what could I do that would keep your attention? How do I cater to the ever-shifting eye of Kenyon’s student body?

My answer: I let an AI tell me what to eat. It made me physically ill. It made me sad.

This is my story.

Continue reading