So, if you’re like me and you try to get breakfast occasionally, there is the morning trek to Peirce. The sun is blinding even on a rainy day, and once you get to the doors they are somehow stuck again. This is the problem we face at Kenyon: how do we capture the emotions of a particular experience? The feeling of walking in the fresh air from the first year quad to Peirce and the immediate drowsiness of the dim yellow light of the entrance? The sudden entrance into the liminal, timeless and clock-less space that is the servery? Well, boy do I have the playlist for you.Continue reading
Dear AVI Staff,
My name is Sam Slavkin, and I’m writing to you today to announce my intense desire to drink out of the liquid disposal trough. Here’s why you should let me:
Sure we’ve all heard of oysters, strawberries, and chocolates as aphrodisiacs, food to fuel your sex drive. But if you’re on a budget this Valentine’s Day and still looking to get sultry with a special someone, we all know that fresh fruit and seafood is hard to come by in the servery. That’s why we here at the Thrill have put together a list of alternative Peirce aphrodisiacs that are sure to liven up the libido. Alternatively titled, a List of Foods to Get You in the Mood, here’s the Thrill’s science certified list of Peirce foods to help make this year’s Valentine’s day extra sexy and special.
Every time October 31st rolls around there’s a sense of spook in the air. You can feel it. There is an energy traveling through the campus among the fall foliage. Sometimes it’s hard to know how this manifests and what to do with all those spooky feelings. But, alas, do not fear. Read on and get spooky. Continue reading
It’s October! The leaves are changing, you’re realizing that you shouldn’t have skipped that week of Modern Quest readings, and your once-perfect skin is beginning its annual shedding. With the cold weather comes dry skin and, boy, this year it’s looking rough. Your Glossier moisturizer has dried up and your $30 Organic Spirulina Gluten-Free Foaming Face Mask has grown spots of its own, so what can you do? This wouldn’t be a problem if you had access to a Lush or even the Target skin care aisle, but the closest thing in Gambier is the Burt’s Bees section in the Bookstore and, let’s be honest, your frequent VI trips have left you with a measly $3.44 on your K-Card. I guess you’ll just have to eat away your sorrows in… That’s it! Peirce! It’s time to game the system and make your meal plan work for you and your face.
Look, I’m not gonna beat around the bush. Here at the Thrill we like to do dumb shit in Peirce that would upset our health-conscious parents and is probably contributing to our inevitable descent into heart failure. It’s almost become a rite of passage to debase ourselves in the servery and this week, it’s finally my time to shine. But what could I do that would keep your attention? How do I cater to the ever-shifting eye of Kenyon’s student body?
My answer: I let an AI tell me what to eat. It made me physically ill. It made me sad.
This is my story.
Happy year one to Kenyon’s Class of 2022! We, the Council of Elders, are very pleased and excited to have you here with us. We love your style, your spirit. Your large numbers. Your sweet, chittery little bird voices as you skip down Middle Path in droves, animatedly discussing how awesome your English 103 classes are. Yes! We love you very, very much!!! Because of how much we love you, we at the Thrill would like to quell your nerves a little bit by giving you some advice about how to Make It in this crazy cartoon college. If you take our advice, you are certain to graduate!!! 100% money back guarantee. Have a good day, sweetie, and don’t forget to eat lunch! Xoxo, the Kenyon Thrill. WE LOVE YOU!!!