Advice for First-Years from a Crusty Ancient


Happy year one to Kenyon’s Class of 2022! We, the Council of Elders, are very pleased and excited to have you here with us. We love your style, your spirit. Your large numbers. Your sweet, chittery little bird voices as you skip down Middle Path in droves, animatedly discussing how awesome your English 103 classes are. Yes! We love you very, very much!!! Because of how much we love you, we at the Thrill would like to quell your nerves a little bit by giving you some advice about how to Make It in this crazy cartoon college. If you take our advice, you are certain to graduate!!! 100% money back guarantee. Have a good day, sweetie, and don’t forget to eat lunch! Xoxo, the Kenyon Thrill. WE LOVE YOU!!!

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If Winter Olympic Sports were Kenyon Students


Snowboarding enters Pierce, walking on the seal like they always do. The just came out of their 9:40 class where they made wildly outrageous comments, using the right words but always producing an incoherent conclusion. Snowboarding is the type of kid that doesn’t use shower shoes but does own a blow dryer. They’ve been known to fuck up royally, time and time again, but their friends forgive them and like to tell the story of that one time, freshman year, when Snowboarding did an air-to-fakie-mclovin-ollie-nickolas-cage-switch-flip-shaun-white-bring-back-your-long-hair-1080 out of the bullseye window.

Snowboarding settles down on old side with a Peirce Cup full of whole milk.

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Kenyon Whine Pairings

Not this kind of wine!

As a Kenyon student, one of my favorite things to do is to sit down to eat and complain about things that 1) help me now, 2) will help me later, and 3) have no effect on my life. So, like, everything! But sometimes there’s so much to moan about that it’s hard to choose what’s ruining my life today. To help with that terrible problem, here are some classic Peirce dishes to pair with some fine Kenyon whines.

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10 o’clock list: 10 Ways to Spice up Your Life

It’s a new semester. The holidays have come and gone and the bleak prospects of January and February are here. But have no fear, because even after all of the Harry Potter movies are taken off of HBO GO there are some ways you can spice up your life and escape the harsh mistress that is seasonal affective disorder. Continue reading

What’s New In Peirce?

What’s New In Peirce?

Welcome back all you baby birds to the sweet nest of Kenyon College. You got a chance to spread your wings and soar over break, and those drafty winds probably blew you towards all different sorts of culinary experiences. You went to good restaurants. Your parents cooked the meatballs you love so much, with the secret ingredient (paprika probably.) But now here we are, our wings tired from all that flapping, and we’re back in the sweet embrace of Mama Bird Peirce, which will chew up her meals and spit them into our dumb, gaping mouths just like she always has. Continue reading