I Ate One Color of Food a Day at Peirce and Tried Not to DIE

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Have you ever wanted to ROY G BIV your diet and ruin your life? Well, then this article is for you! This week, I forced  myself to eat only one color a day for each of my Peirce meals (which, in my case, are only lunch and dinner because I refuse to practice healthy habits or wake up before 10 a.m.). A week of pure hell ensued: tears were shed, nutrients were lost… the grumbling of my stomach could be heard for miles around. Oh, the things I do for my fans. 

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OPEN CALL: WE WANT YOU FOR A PEIRCE DATE

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Do you feel face blind when you walk into a party? Have you been cat-fished or gaslit? Do think back fondly on the simpler times when you told people they were cute on ask.fm? Are you just looking for someone to share your life with on this desolate hill? Are you jaded as fuck and eating a tuna salad in Peirce right now?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, delete your Tinder and give a Peirce Date a chance. Continue reading

A Definitive Ranking of Peirce’s Mayonnaises

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Picture this: You’re in the servery. It’s cold and dark. You’ve just finished making your 10th sandwich of the day. You go to put some sweet, sweet mayo on that baby, only to stand there, helpless as you shake the bottle for what seems like a millennia. People line up behind you, their eyes staring daggers into your back. A baby is crying somewhere in the distance. You start to sweat profusely. The room fills with your sweat, and you’re still holding onto that goddamned mayonnaise bottle, drowning, drowning, crying out for help–All right, I think you get the point. Anyone who’s been around me for more than 3 milliseconds knows of my shameful love of mayonnaise in all of its many shapes and forms. What can I say? Blame it on my heritage. Whether it be Hellman’s (for your average joe), aioli (for the more refined) or Vegenaise (for the socially woke health nuts out there), there’s nothing that a fat dollop of mayo can’t fix. Getting said mayonnaise, however, can be a humbling experience. That’s why I’ve decided to ease your Mayo Mishaps with this much-needed list!

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Peirce Playlist: Bop Your Sadness Away

Ronan Weber, ’20, posing as an Abercrombie & Fitch mannequin in the Alumni Dining Room.

So, if you’re like me and you try to get breakfast occasionally, there is the morning trek to Peirce. The sun is blinding even on a rainy day, and once you get to the doors they are somehow stuck again. This is the problem we face at Kenyon: how do we capture the emotions of a particular experience? The feeling of walking in the fresh air from the first year quad to Peirce and the immediate drowsiness of the dim yellow light of the entrance? The sudden entrance into the liminal, timeless and clock-less space that is the servery? Well, boy do I have the playlist for you.

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10 o’clock list: Peirce Aphrodisiacs

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Sure we’ve all heard of oysters, strawberries, and chocolates as aphrodisiacs, food to fuel your sex drive. But if you’re on a budget this Valentine’s Day and still looking to get sultry with a special someone, we all know that fresh fruit and seafood is hard to come by in the servery. That’s why we here at the Thrill have put together a list of alternative Peirce aphrodisiacs that are sure to liven up the libido. Alternatively titled, a List of Foods to Get You in the Mood, here’s the Thrill’s science certified list of Peirce foods to help make this year’s Valentine’s day extra sexy and special.

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