Stock Answers For Questions Your Parents Ask You Every Week

“No, mom, I’m totally getting to bed by ten each night.”

Being the parent of a college student must be stressful. For the first time since their birth, baby is out of reach, on a campus full of drunken heathens and at risk for communicating with radical academics who salivate at the chance to indoctrinate them into an anarcho-communist lifestyle. To make up for the lack of physical contact, parents try to call their college students at least once a week to check up, just to make sure baby is still alive.

The questions they ask never change. I’ve become convinced there is actually a script parents use for talking to their college aged kids. To help even the playing field, here are some stock answers to the questions parents love to ask. Continue reading

How To Be A Person: Respectfully Answering your Phone in the Library

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Here at The Thrill, we understand that you’re super popular, and that your cellphone can be a veritable grand central station at times. Unfortunately, sometimes your phone can start ringing at exactly the wrong moment, like when you’re in the library. Everyone’s experienced that heart-stopping moment when they hear their ringtone start playing in an otherwise silent room. But there’s no need to panic: here’s how to answer your phone when it surprises you with its jangling when you’re the library.  Continue reading

10 o’clock list: 5 Reasons Summer is the Worst, Too

Thank you, Internet, for this very apt image.

Thank you, Internet, for this highly apt image.

As my esteemed colleague, Dr. Kate Lindsay MD, pointed out last night, we’ve been a bummer lately. To be fair, though, so has everything in the universe, mostly because of this ugly January we’ve had: after two fleeting days of warmth, it’s cold again and everyone’s mad about it. [We’re basically just a weather blog now.] As you cough and complain over the next few days, remember: summer can be as bad as winter, in its own way. If you’re a raging pessimist like me, this outlook may actually cheer you up: as the great Liz Lemon sayeth, sometimes everything is just the worst, Kenneth. And maybe that’s okay.

1.     Shorts. Remember those last sun-soaked afternoons of spring semester, when you would sidle up to your professor after class to talk about the final, trying to radiate poise and intellectual curiosity while yanking a small, sweaty strip of denim out from around your genital area? Good times.

Continue reading