The Friday Ketchup

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You look into the mirror and an unfamiliar face stares back at you. Bloodshot eyes. Greasy, unkempt hair. A bit of dried drool sits on your lower lip. You’re not entirely sure what day it is, though you’re not sure it even matters. Sleep seems like a long-forgotten dream now. All you can think of is the Hobbesian state. You fear a life that is nasty, brutish, and short, so you give away your liberty to the Leviathan, all for a little safety. Sure, he can take away everything, but at least you aren’t getting torn apart in the wild. Look at yourself, though. You’re a mess. A slob. A broken soul slouching along in a decaying body. Maybe Nietzsche was right about liberalism. You’re the last man. The Übermensch never came. The slave morality has crushed your soul and all you desire is a little comfort. You sigh and leave the bathroom. It’s comps week. It’s the Friday Ketchup.
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The Friday Ketchup

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Well, it’s finally winter. Snow has come to the hill, and it looks like it may be here to stay. Be sure to bundle up warm, because it sure is chilly outside. Have you ever been cold? It’s the worst. I was cold once. I was on a fur-trapping expedition out near Yellowstone when I got attacked by a bear and left for dead. I survived and had to make my way back to town to get revenge on the man who left me behind and killed my son. Right in the middle of winter I had to do stuff like careen down a near-frozen river and sleep inside the guts of a horse in order to survive. The worst part was the cold though. I mean, sure the whole getting mauled by a bear thing wasn’t great, and I didn’t like seeing my son die, but getting snow in my boots really sucked. It’s The Revenant the Friday Ketchup. Continue reading

The Friday Ketchup: Iowa Caucus Edition

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Via: jennifermurch.com

Hey did you hear about Sendoff? That sure is crazy, right? I can’t believe the administration would make us listen to a band. I hate music. I didn’t come to Kenyon to listen to it and I’ll be damned if someone forces to me to listen to people play it live. Fact: everyone who has ever listened to music dies. I’m not going to take that risk, and I can’t believe the administration would play with our lives like that. We need to protest this decision. Join me in saying, “Hey, I don’t like music. Don’t make me listen to it!” It’s the Friday Ketchup. Continue reading

The Friday Ketchup

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Hey folks, how’s it going? I sure do hope y’all had a good seven days since we last saw ya. Did you do anything fun? I’m sure you did; you seem like a fun bunch of kids. Didn’t get into too much trouble, though, right? I heard some people at Kenyon have been drinking a little bit more than they should. That’s not healthy. You shouldn’t drink too much. It’s the Friday ketchup.

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