When you go to school on top of a tiny hill surrounded by cow pastures and corn fields, sometimes you have to turn to unique ways to get your kicks. Some get really into power walking, some decide to drop acid in Mather, and those of us who enjoy the simple pleasures turn to teeth. What’s better than letting your fingertips sink into through a barrel of pearl-like fangs à la Amélie while you listen to a playlist consisting solely of “Teeth” by Lady Gaga and “Tusk” by Fleetwood Mac? Nothing! That’s as good as it gets, let me tell you. Below are some of the most reliable tooth-mining places I’ve found at Kenyon, so have at it!
Open up the Kenyon College instagram. What do you see? Interspersed between photos of grinning first-years and intensely saturated flowers are Kenyon’s unofficial mascots: the campus statues. They see us when we’re sleeping, they know when we’re awake, and they know when we take cups from Peirce so stop for goodness sake! But which statues have the power, the drive, the big dick energy to command our attention by emitting mind-controlling vibrations?
What is happening my friends and foes! How was your weekend? Please do not ask me about mine. Here’s the deal: it’s the week before Spring Break and god knows how you might be feeling. Maybe you haven’t smiled in days! Maybe you’re crying outside the library as you read this! Regardless your pre-break coping mechanism of choice, I have something that will make you feel better. Let me take you on a journey to self-knowledge. Understanding. Let me show what thicc metal object you best represent on this campus. Here we go. The signs as: Sculptures.
(Author’s note: no shade to these beautiful pieces of art I love art thank you Graham Gund if I die young bury me in satin lay me down on a bed of Graham Gund’s architecture)
Aries- Those Sweet Sweet Dancing Angels. You’re fun, full of energy, and people look up to you! You’re also the star sign/sculpture most likely to come to life in the dead of night and create mischief.