American Horror Story: Kenyon

Let’s face it: some aspects of Kenyon life are pretty terrifying. So when I saw that the next season of American Horror Story is speculated be focused around a circus, I thought to myself “A circus? That’s weak. I can think of like 12 things that I have to deal with daily that are way more horrifying than a circus.” As Kenyon students, we have to face situations which are much scarier than anything that’s ever happened on American Horror Story. Here are some proposals for upcoming seasons of the show.

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Things Seniors Surprisingly Haven’t Figured Out


Seriously though.

On Friday, we will officially have one semester left in college. We are at threat level midnight right now and I could not be more terrified. How the hell am I supposed to find a job when I can’t even say that I’ve fully figured out Kenyon yet? I’ve got a semester left, and while yes I have learned a lot, I still don’t know a surprising amount. I can’t do my taxes. I don’t know which of my shirts need to be washed in cold water (I have five shrunken sweaters to prove that one). Above all, after four years I’m not sure I even know what justice is even though I’ve been questing for it pretty much my entire time here.

Good news is, we are way way ahead of the first years. Those kids don’t know anything about anything (even though they are the future of Kenyon and we are just humble Seniors who remember when Papa John’s could deliver to your door). It’s time we really widened the gap and wised up on a couple of things.

Here are a few of the items, rules, common practices that even the Seniors still haven’t figured out yet:

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10 o’clock list: Kenyon Problems

I’d say these complaints rank a solid 2.3 (via

There are a lot of great things at Kenyon, like Muffin Mondays and midnight breakfast. Yet, as we roll around in our Kenyon Bubble, we all find common things to complain about. I’m not sure whether it’s therapeutic or unhealthy to relish in mild frustration, but it can’t be denied that we do it every day. Here are five things that rank pretty low on the Kenyon complaint spectrum,  somewhere under “toe stubbing” but probably on par with “almost tripping down the stairs.”

1. Peirce cups: I’m talking about those times where you sidle up to the cups rack and innocently reach for a Peirce cup, only to pull up half the stack with it. You’ll probably have to make two or three more attempts until the chosen cup wiggles free like Excalibur, but by now all your hopes of looking casual at the juice bar are gone.  Continue reading

10 o’clock list: Things We All Forgot

Jason Bourne forgets sometimes too.

Jason Bourne forgets sometimes too.

Coming back to Kenyon, you never realize how much you forget about this tiny hillside hamlet over the summer. Unfortunately the little things hit you like a ton of bricks upon your triumphant arrival. While this list won’t be able to help you get over the shock of actually running into these realizations, it’s comforting to know that you aren’t alone.

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