10 o’clock list: How to Prove You did the Reading Without Looking Like a Normie

normies

Ah, the delicious thrill of class participation. You raise your hand, tentatively at first, before fully solidifying your thought and thrusting your hand into the air. But how will you distinguish yourself from every other well-prepared student in the class? You can’t just comment on the author’s intentions or ask a question about figures mentioned in a study, no, you must do something that catches the attention of your professor and makes them think, “Wow, this kid knows their stuff,” and not, “Why is this school full of fucking normies…God, I wish I was teaching at Oberlin.”

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Shit Kenyon Professors Say, Vol. II

shit prof 2

We really do!

These quotes have been collected from professors in various areas of study, by a variety of Thrill contributors. Click here for our previous installment. 

“I mean, obviously I’m leftist. I have leftist bias. But like, that shit’s racist.”

“I am older and meaner than the devil.”

“We all piss and shit.”

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Four Minute Lecture: Professor Gilda Rodríguez

Way back in the day, we at the Thrill used to do something called Four Minute Lectures, in which we’d get professors to talk about their research and interests for four(ish) minutes! We’ve decided to bring that feature back with Professor Gilda Rodríguez of the Women’s and Gender Studies department. Her research is focused on different organizations of gender and societal roles in cultures that the Western gaze would deem as “primitive” or “underdeveloped” (hint: the Western gaze is veeerryyy wrong). Anyway, I’ve done enough talking. Time to listen to Professor Rodríguez’s lecture! I 10000% promise you will learn something (and if you don’t, I will give you your money back). Enjoy!

Thank you, Michael “Webboi” Lahanas, for using the fancy film things to do the fancy filming and editing!

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10 o’clock list: Professors You’d Want to Donate Sperm/Eggs For Your Future Child

What could be your future child. (Vincent Van Gogh, Baby Marcelle Roulin, 1888, The Van Gogh Museum)

What could be your future child. (Vincent Van Gogh, Baby Marcelle Roulin, 1888, The Van Gogh Museum)

The recent additions of the Peirce babies have gotten us at The Thrill to start thinking about the future of humanity. Though it may seem daunting and far away, at some point, some of us will possibly procreate, and continue the world’s population. Incredible. Here are our humble suggestions of professors who we believe could improve the world, should their genetic material be mixed with yours.

1. Associate Professor of Classics Zoe Kontes. Would your child sail the Aegean Sea? Or perhaps bust antiquities thieves? The possibilities would be endless for your child–just don’t let an Oedipus Complex develop.

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10 o’clock List: Clickbait Paper Titles

A student struggles as his UCC consoles him. (via mimlearning.com)

Now that the flurry of excitement that is the first week back is over, it’s time to get real – pretty soon, you’ll have to start writing papers for your classes. Sometimes it’s easy, sometimes it’s not, but you want to make sure to produce something that your professors will actually want to read. And what better way to get them hooked than to title your paper as a clickbait feature? Here are some ideas to get you started.

  1. Five Phenomena You’ll Be Surprised to Find Out Happen Because of Natural Forces Beyond Our Control. Wind? Clouds? Gravity? This title will keep your professor guessing as they rapidly scan for you thesis, searching for the phenomena they thought couldn’t be explained!
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10 o’clock list: Things That Happen When Your Professor Appears At the KAC

The KAC: an exciting and dangerous place

We all experience moments of growth or maturity. We all wake up, stretch out our limbs, find clarity in the dust particles and whisper to ourselves: the KAC isn’t even that far away. Maybe, just maybe, we could exercise two or three times a week. We could speed walk for twenty minutes at a low incline instead of eating wheat thins by the box. Just as we start to believe that we could make a habit of moderate and healthy exercise, the abominable happens. We step on our stationary machine of choice, look up, and realize: one of our professors is right there. The stages of acceptance that you are about to experience are not for the weak of heart. Below are five stages of this process, loosely based off the five stages of grief. Except this experience isn’t sad, because what’s better than getting swole with your professor? Nothing. I hope you find clarity in navigating the sweaty weirdness to follow.

1. The denial of reality. You’re going to be thinking a lot of “no no no no no no no no no no no no no” in your head. Let it out. Refuse to admit reality. Trying to convince yourself that what you’re seeing is only a figment of your imagination is ultimately useless. This is only just the beginning. Continue reading