Knox County Health Official Issues Warning On Ankle Frostbite Epidemic

Knox County Health Official Issues Warning On Ankle Frostbite Epidemic

Earlier today, Knox County Medical Officer of Health Bubba G. Shrimp issued an official warning in response to predictions of snow showers this weekend. “Winter is coming,” he said. “Please be aware that this county is facing an epidemic of ankle frostbite: cover your shins and be safe this holiday season.” According to his statement, Knox Community Hospital has treated an average of 175 Kenyon students for frostbite every year for the past five year. The cases all originate in the upper ankle region. He suspects that that the popularity of cuffed jeans among the Kenyon student body could be responsible.

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PSA: Wine and Weed Can Knock You the Hulk Out

image via goodreads saving ur dang life via the Thrill

Yeah, I know. You’ve had Beer & Sex, and you, like me and every other member of the Kenyon student body, went to every meeting, memorized everything your Beer & Sex advisors said, and have ever since then been living a responsible and uneventful life, especially in regards to substances. That’s super great and I’m real proud of us. Continue reading

PSA: Don’t Lie to the Cove Guy

We’ve all told our friends, bosses and parents one specific little white lies: That we’ll “be there in a minute,” when in reality we are a good five to ten minutes away. It’s understandable.We hate to disappoint our employers and loved ones. But, as I found out recently, whether or not you tell the truth can be the difference between a good or bad night for your friendly neighborhood Cove delivery guy.

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Attention, Mean Nerds: V-Day is A Week Away! Change Everything About Yourselves! Quick!

It’s seven (7) days until Valentine’s Day, the least sacred but most nougat-y of holidays, and this is just a friendly PSA to remind you all to adjust the fundamental aspects of your personalities well before the blessed event is upon us. If you wait too long, people are going to be all, “Oh, whatever, he/she’s just bein’ all kewt because he/she wants candy/flowers/weird V-day sex”, but if you do it with a week to spare, you’ll be wearing everyone’s heart on your sleeve. (I really enjoyed disemboweling that metaphor.) Continue reading