alright everybody here’s the deal it’s thursday noon pm and all around me folks are finishing their finals meanwhile I just submitted one final project and had a final exam this morning and an exam yesterday morning and am just now sitting down to write forty pages of a full-length screenplay SO before I switch into aaron sorkin mode I must warm my poor ropey brain back up and to do that I’m gonna spit-ball some festive jell-o shot recipes or really jell-o shot concepts because how the fuck do you even make jell-o anyways?
Ketchup is, of course, a tomato-based sauce commonly used to compliment various dishes, especially in American cuisine. But do you know how its made? Well I’m going to tell you. You take tomatoes, sugar, vinegar, salt, spices, onion, and garlic. The more ketchup you want to make, the more ingredients you use. You take the tomatoes and put them in a bowl, then put that bowl in the microwave. Turn the microwave on and melt the tomatoes. This makes the tomatoes into tomato liquid. Then you take the bowl out of the microwave and put all the other ingredients in. Shake the bowl up and down without a cover to mix everything up. After that, you’re almost done. Take your feet and step in the bowl to squish everything together. Don’t wash your feet first. When your feet are totally covered with the mixture, then you’re done. Wipe the stuff off your feet and put it in a bottle. That’s ketchup. Throw anything left in the bowl away because that’s not ketchup. You’ve now made ketchup. It’s the Friday Ketchup.
To all our of-age readers…
The power’s back on, but you can recapture the pitch-black magic of last night with this recipe.
Track down the following ingredients:
- 1/2 oz. gin
- 1/2 oz. blackberry brandy
- 1/4 oz. lime juice
- 1/4 oz. sugar syrup
Shake ingredients and strain into a shot glass. Enjoy responsibly (don’t black out while you Blackout post-blackout).
See the recipe after the jump!
To all of our of-age readers…
This is a semi-hazardous beverage. Do not try this at home. Trust us. We are professionals.
- Start with a bottle of a non-American spirit
- Forcibly pour in 3 bottles of Jack Daniels
- Introduce at least 6 liters of Coca-Cola
- Shake aggressively
- Serve in martini glasses
To our of-age readers…
Are the Keystones just not doing it for you anymore? Tired of pink mixed drinks? Well this weekend’s drink will surely pack a punch!
100 Proof Hits:
- 1 Part 100 Proof Cinnamon Schnapps
- 1 Part 100 Proof Vodka
- 1 Part 100 Proof Peppermint Schnapps
- 1 part 100 Proof Scotch
- 1 Part 100 Proof Tequila
Shake with ice and strain. It is best to make this alcoholic drink in volumes of 6 and enjoy with your friends and/or strangers.
To all of our of-age readers…
This weekend’s drink was inspired by professional French wrestler André René Roussimoff, better known as Andre the Giant or Fezzik, the rhyming giant of Princess Bride. In addition to being an entertainer, Mr. Roussimoff was also a talented drinker. Some claim that it would take him a barrel of beer to get drunk. (Ed. I have a hunch that his large stature was a contributing factor: Andre the Giant stood at over seven feet tall and weighed close to 450 pounds.)
- Procure a barrel.
- Fill said barrel with beer.
*Do not attempt to finish the barrel by yourself.