New and Improved Roommate Pairing Questionnaire

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credit: Apple, their Apple Pencil (2nd Generation), a pencil, made of ghosts (probably), this is how they actually marketed it


Dear The Office of Residential Life,

It has been several years since my last confession. Though I work for you, I feel as if I could do more to work with you. I am a simple person with simple skills. I can ask politely for things I am paying for. I can put an unlimited amount of raw Sriracha in my tiny, tiny mouth. I can peel an orange in one seamless ribbon but usually I can’t. This is my effort to bring my passion for putting people into broad categories (ie. astrology, MBTI, sorting-hat) to you, The Office formally known as Residential Life. Below are what I believe to be some questions which which truly bring insight to the Roommate Pairing Process. You can reach me at, or at your local Post Office.

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I Drank Out of Bowls For Three Days and Sorry I’m Enlightened Now (But Not Really)


photo cred: Mollie Greenberg, who would like to say “I think you could associate me with liquids”

Look around you. The world is two big bowls pressed together with a cranberry vinaigrette salad in the middle. Your head is a bowl for the squishy computer we call the brain. Your hands are just flexi-bowls. Eyes? Bowls. Your heart is a bowl for the slippery blood which breaths emotion and heartburn into you. Bowls, even, are fashion (see below).

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The Friday Ketchup


As I look back on my time at Kenyon, I realize one thing has really defined my experience more than any other. Sure, the friends I’ve made are wonderful, and sure, all the things I’ve learned I’ll carry with me for a lifetime. But the one thing I think I’ll remember more than anything else is never really talked about. It passes uncommented upon here at Kenyon, and I would guess it does at other institutions of higher learning as well, but it really has been integral to my four years here on the hill. Every once in a while you’ll hear a comment, or see a poster, or smell a smell, that reminds you of it, but its such a part of your daily life that it simply goes unnoticed most times. Well, I’m giving it its due, because it really is the unsung hero of college for me. It’s the Friday Ketchup.
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