Ever since digital artist Trevor Paglen uploaded his ImageNet Roulette project to the web, I’ve been obsessed. I’ve spent hours furiously uploading photos to be compared with the database and anxiously waiting for my new identity to be spit out. Am I a nonsmoker? A fighter pilot? A colleen? I hunger to know. I haven’t been able to sleep for weeks. My friends are getting worried. Deadlines have come and gone, but all I can do is give the beast what it wants. The only thing that could save me from the grips of this illness would be to happen upon an image able to expose our true reality and pull the wool from my tired eyes. And, don’t get too excited, but I think I’ve done it. I turned to the classic Kenyon figures that we know and love and, although some still miss the mark, there’s one label that matches so perfectly that I can finally end my search in success. Read on for some identifications I happened upon along the way and one that is so true and pure that it may alter life at Kenyon forevermore.