Look, you guys, I don’t know what music is cool. I think maybe I knew what was cool to listen to in 2008, but I haven’t really been keeping up since then. It’s exhausting! Not only is there new music coming out every single day, but all the coolest stuff is the stuff that’s hardest to listen to. I mean, have you tried listening to Blue Hawaii? It’s like a comps exam for your ears. No thanks! If keeping up with cool music makes your brain hurt but you still want to party to something besides Rihanna (people still listen to Rihanna, right?), try putting on these thoroughly uncool songs:

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