Thrill Seniors Reminisce: Pipe Cats, Mitski, Jon Hamm and Other Things

Concert poster

The year was 2016, the Zika virus was afoot, Ryan Lochte lied about being robbed at gunpoint at the Rio Olympics, Kim Kardashian was actually robbed at gunpoint in Paris, and the class of 2020 settled into life at Kenyon. It may have only been around 4 years ago, but life was different and the time is ripe for us to lotion up our liver spots, pop in our orthopedic shoes, and chomp down on our dentures, as we reminisce about back in the day…

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Stuff You Got Rid of When You Realized it Wasn’t Kenyon Aesthetic Enough


Honest to God it’s a Texas tradition to give everyone you know a monogrammed gift when you graduate high school. So when I rolled up to Kenyon for the first time it’s accurate to say that I had never seen a pair of clogs before or been in a room with more than five liberals at a time. Continue reading

10 o’Clock List: 5 of The Best Places to Cry on Campus

We’ve been back at Kenyon for a little over 2 weeks, and emotions are running high. Classes are stressful, homework is a lot, you miss your dog, and good god you just want someone to take care of you. After a while, you figure out that sometimes the only cure to these feelings is a long, hard cry. Where, you ask, does one cry at Kenyon College? Listen up everyone—especially first years—these are 5 of the best places to cry on campus:

  • The KAT: If you find yourself crying on the KAT (Knox Area Transport), it could be for several reasons. Maybe it’s been a long week and you need to take some time to yourself in Kroger, or maybe the driver of the shuttle just told you a horrifying, and very personal prison story (I know because it’s happened to me). Either way, it’s totally safe to cry on the KAT because the odds are, the only person you’ll run into is Carmen from your Buddhist Thought & Practice class. And she’s reading Divergent, and definitely doesn’t notice the thick, hot tears rolling down your cheeks.


  • DKE Bullseye: Crying in the DKE bullseye is a special sort of cry. If you need to let it all out on a Wednesday night, between the hours of 9pm -1am, and also want to be at the receiving end of sympathy-flirting, this is the move for you. “What’s wrong, girl?” the shortest of the DKE’s will ask you. “Oh, nothing,” you’ll reply, choked up, “it’s just…ever since my boyfriend broke up with me…” and the rest is history. Nice job! You let loose emotionally, AND picked up a suitor! Bonus points if he’s an Econ major or wears taco-print socks.


  • Omelette line: Why is it always you’re the saddest when you’re hungry? Anyway, you’re in the omelette line and you can’t help it. The tears start flowing. At first, you’re so embarrassed. I mean, seriously, there are SO many people standing around you. But here’s the thing. The omelette line is a place for deep, focused thought. Your crying will go unnoticed while the girls in front and behind you toy with the thought of trying mushrooms. Or do they want feta? Or is feta weird, haha? While they’ve been thinking, you’ve blown through three sopping wet tissues and no one has batted an eye. Heartbreakingly delicious!


  • Gazebo in the middle of the NCAs: This spot is ideal for a weekend, nighttime cry. It’s Friday at 11:46, and you probably just watched your crush leave with the only other girl at Kenyon from your high school, and life is feeling unbelievably unfair. To think you walked all the way north for THIS. You quietly excuse yourself from whatever group conversation you were having, and flee into the gazebo in the middle of the NCAs. It’s dark, private, and somehow, tragically beautiful. If anyone sees you, they’ll act like they don’t, because something really fucked up must have just happened. Score!


  • Olin 3rd floor: This cry-spot is for single, academic tears only. If you’re crying on third floor Olin, you better be fucking quiet about it, otherwise you’ll get no sympathy. If done correctly, an Olin cry will get you the answers you needed to your Spanish homework, or a “let me know if you need any help, seriously.” But, if you can’t keep your shit together, or feel waterworks coming on,  walk downstairs to the circulation desk. They’ll probably know what to do with you. Maybe.

How to Regret a Decision

How to Regret a Decision

We’ve all eaten market chili at 11:59 on a Monday night crying in our beds rewatching the singing episode of Grey’s Anatomy, rethinking our decision to take five classes while still have a thriving social life. We’ve all slipped in the basement of Old K due to a sad puddle of Keystone, and wished we just stayed in bed eating market chili. We’ve all tried to make a wrap in Peirce because we’re above the bowl issue, but instead pissed off the entire panini press line because the tortilla broke and quinoa is spilling everywhere.

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I Refuse To Donate To Kenyon College Until They Acknowledge The Academic Value Of McDonald’s Lore


The four years I’ve spent here at Kenyon College, this bucolic intellectual wonderland, have been some of the most special of my life. I’ll be walking away from graduation this spring with a profound conceptual toolbox with which to approach the world. However, as I leave the campus behind, I’m left with a sour taste in my mouth and a painful awareness of this school’s inexcusable shortcomings. That’s why, after much thought, I refuse to donate any money to the college until they do what’s right and acknowledge the academic value of McDonald’s lore.

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