Shh! The Official Guide to Gambier Gossip

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Evening, Upper New Siders. Are you enjoying the return of Carhartt and Blundstone weather? Well, Gambier may be getting colder, but it looks like the Kenyon intelligence market is finally heating up. I’ve overheard that some of you are getting busted for trading tips on Middle Path, so I decided to do you all a favor and hand over my top-secret guide for where and when to exchange your hot new goss. And remember, don’t even think about it without a quick little Kenyon Lookaround. You know you love me. XOXO, Gossip Thrill.

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Kenyon Kults: Rugby

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A new feature that The Thrill is starting PREMIERES RIGHT NOW: Kenyon Kults! We evaluate different clubs, teams, bands, blah blah blah and decide whether they are cults or not. The interviewees probably won’t tell us honestly, but as I have previously mentioned, I’m our generation’s Nancy Drew, so don’t worry. The Rugby player that I interviewed asked to remain anonymous because things uh….let’s just say things ‘got real.’

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10 o’clock list: Places at Kenyon Where Secret Hot Springs are Most Likely to be Located

Actual fictional photo of what is probably underneath the KAC (via idahohotsprings.com).

Kenyon in the evening is a mysterious place, old friends. As I am sure you have been told, the school holds secrets, stories tucked into the cracks of Old Kenyon, whispers huddled against the stones of the Gates of Hell. The quiet befits the legends, the night befits the hush.  And now as you wander, old friends, dear poets adrift in the evening still, watch where your midnight footsteps take you. Keep to the gravel of Middle Path, for do you know what lies beyond the well worn arteries of our beloved Alma Mater? All I can say is that I’ve seen through the Kokosing mist, and I know where all the secret hot springs probably are. Or at least where they should be. Or where they would be if the goddess was actually paying any attention to me at all.

  1. New Apts– In a perfect world, the New Apts ravine wouldn’t just be home to daddy long legs and juniors with high lottery numbers, the dreaded valley would also be home to hot springs.  During the winter, especially after a long walk home from the library, turning a wooded corner to see a steaming waterfall pooling in a secluded rocky nook would melt any icy heart. Continue reading

Beard of the Week: [REDACTED]

We all know that Kenyon is home to an incredibly diverse community. We’ve got scholars, athletes, and even the occasional person who might’ve witnessed a horrible double-axe murder who’s been forced to change his/her identity and relocate to rural Ohio under the Witness Protection Program. The Thrill believes in giving everybody an equal opportunity to be represented on our “lustrous” blog, so without further ado, here’s your Beard of the Week (shot in silhouette with all personal details redacted in order to protect his/her identity):

[REDACTED]'s Beard of the Week

The Man/Woman: [REDACTED]

The Look: “The Intellectual Shagster”

Grow Time: Four months

Inspiration: Dr. Venture, Matisyahu, and Matthew Lillard as Shaggy

The Secret Life of Gambier Feral Cats

Fun fact: I do not own Photoshop.

They’re a Kenyon staple, but how much do you really know about the animals onto which you displace the love of your own pets? Behind the treats and belly rubs on Middle Path lies a dungeon of Darwinian hierarchy and savage morals. The Thrill editors, risking their lives and dignity, travel to the parking lot behind Farr Hall to bring you the scoop. (Get it? Like litter box scoop. It’s funny. Ha.)

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