How to Host Senior Soiree from Quarantine

For the class of 2021, the anticipated tradition of Senior Soiree is just another Senior Sorry :/ .

Normally the weekend before Thanksgiving break would be reserved for a flashy seniors-only Peirce formal. Underclassmen would be banished to their quads. Fairy lights would glow through the New Side windows, lighting up the Eastern horizon like a reverse sunrise. The school would buy us alcohol. 

Alas, this year is not normal, and frankly the idea of being packed in an enclosed room with hundreds of drunk maskless college students makes me want to claw my throat out. 

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Vaguely Kenyon-themed Poetry Inspired by rupi kaur


Me, performing a poem

Dear reader. I think so much. It gets uncomfortable in my head with all those thoughts taking up so much space. I put my thoughts in poems so my brain doesn’t get squished by the weight of childhood memories consisting of me holding a stick in various locations and reruns of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Poems are like little glass jars filled with pickled organs. And the organs are so pickled, they’re almost translucent. As Bryce Shivers and Lisa Eversman of Portlandia fame once said, We can pickle that.” That’s just beautiful. I made a custom embroidered pillow on the internet which says “We can pickle that.” I didn’t buy it though. One day, the whole world will be pickled. You can just dump stuff in a poem and then forget all about it. And then get famous while people theorize about your sexuality.

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Senior’s React: to Senior Soirée

One of Kenyon’s most beloved traditions occurred this weekend. An all expenses-paid booze-festival in the glowing Thomas Hall, seniors gather in formal wear and never look back. We asked our senior staff for their personal experiences of the night, and they didn’t disappoint.

“It was sorta like prom but with people that you actually like and with booze. I actually spent a lot of time talking to people who were in my first year hall who I haven’t spoken to in forever. I then tore the button off my pants and spilled red wine down one leg, and spent most of the next day saying “you have nobody to blame but yourself.” Overall, I’d give it a 9/10, would recommend to a friend 👍

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Senior Class President Tells You What You Missed at Soiree

Just a class act all around. (image via

It’s Monday, and some of the seniors are finally done picking up the shambles of their post-Soiree night. Soiree was a classy affair, worthy of the likes of Mr. Peanut or the guy from the Monopoly board game. We sang karaoke, took pictures with our first year year roommates, and realized with glee that some people who we had thought graduated were actually still here, and had been in our grade all along.

Senior class president Maddy Jacobs ’15, along with the rest of the senior class committee, was in charge of cleaning up the aftermath in the Great Hall on Saturday night. The clean-up crew currently has a collection of single stiletto shoes, jackets and purses that would suggest that many of the seniors left Peirce half-barefoot and penniless.  I sat down with Maddy to see if some of what they found could help us piece together the remainder of our existence:

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