The year was 2016, the Zika virus was afoot, Ryan Lochte lied about being robbed at gunpoint at the Rio Olympics, Kim Kardashian was actually robbed at gunpoint in Paris, and the class of 2020 settled into life at Kenyon. It may have only been around 4 years ago, but life was different and the time is ripe for us to lotion up our liver spots, pop in our orthopedic shoes, and chomp down on our dentures, as we reminisce about back in the day…
It’s senior year and we’ve all swam in the Kokosing, smoked at sunset point, made out at sunset point, gotten too drunk at Send Off and dreamed of becoming a great chef, despite being a rat in an intensely rodent-phobic profession, moved to Paris to follow this dream on the advice of a rotund, french acid flashback, and with the help of a weak-ass garbage boy as our beard, worked in the kitchen, and eventually got the chance to prove our culinary abilities to a daddy long-leg lookin’ food critic, who turns out to have been bullied as a child and just needed some squash to feel better.
But again, it’s senior year and we have to find something new to do to pass the time before we kick the bucket, and finally descend from this hill that has looked more and more like a collection of dentist’s offices since we’ve gotten here.
Do you know that kind of Friday night; it’s cold outside, nothing (nothing) is happening, and everyone somehow ends up at the only thing that’s going on. So for the fall concert, Cam’ron (of Hey Ma fame) was set to perform at the famed Fall Concert at the Horn Gallery. So you can imagine, it’s a pretty small venue— and when Kenyon students hear of a minor-celebrity-mostly-of-note-from-the-mid-to-late-2000s—THEY COME. So almost everyone gets to the Horn at like 9:30, I didn’t get there until about 9:45. And I am not exaggerating when I say this, there were at least 200 people not even inside the Horn. Mind you it’s…uh… 30 degrees outside. We are deep in the throes of November. People are shoving and pushing. No one is even allowed inside yet, people are banging on the doors. Infrastructure was at a seriously vulnerable moment.
Some things never change. via redbubble.net
If there’s one thing seniors love to do, it’s remember freshman year – after all, there’s nothing quite like thinking about the sweet, innocent child you were just four years ago to make you realize how haggard you’ve become. Today, I forced some fellow seniors to remember the end of their freshman year to rub it in just a little more.
“The power went out in McBride when I was moving out, which was very stressful because I hadn’t started packing and my mom was coming in, like, 3 hours. I made my boyfriend help me do it. There was also garbage everywhere in the hall during move-out – it was like no one had taken their trash out for a month.”
Hey, guys! This time for our popular feature, Seniors Reminisce, we decided to ask the class of 2016 about an event most current students aren’t familiar with: The Great Mind-Wipe of 2012. This event was actually a campus-wide tradition going back decades, but was discontinued after the ceremony during our First-Year orientation went so horrifically wrong! I reached out to my fellow seniors to get their opinions on what went down that fateful night:
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” – Dolly Dandruff
The Kenyon Thrill 