The Purple Person: Should He/She/It Be Kenyon’s Next President?

This is the final installment in a five-part series. Tomorrow morning, we’ll open a poll so you can vote for your favorite candidate. The Thrill will then convey the results of that poll to the Presidential Search Committee, which will hold a public meeting on Friday evening.

Hail to the chief.

Okay, there’s been some friction between the Purple Person and, well, everyone who’s ever had to look at it, but maybe a leadership position is just the thing the creature needs to better connect with the student body. Seeing as the Purple Person’s identity lies concealed beneath a disturbingly snug neon bodysuit, his/her/its tenure as president would be shrouded in mystery, and who doesn’t love a good mystery? It could be anyone in there! You! Me! Maybe even The Nuge herself, back for a stealthy bonus term! Plus, Pres. Purple Person would definitely adhere to the Machiavellian governance principle of “it’s better to be feared than loved”, since, you know, he/she/it is absolutely, bone-chillingly horrifying. P.P. for Prez!

The Caples Ghost: Should He Be Kenyon’s Next President?

(via bulletin.kenyon.edu)

This is the fourth installment in a five-part series. Every night through Thursday, we’ll bring you a new candidate to be Kenyon’s next president. On Friday morning, we’ll open a poll so you can vote for your favorite. The Thrill will then convey the results of that poll to the Presidential Search Committee, which will hold a public meeting on Friday evening.

If we wanted a president of whom the very idea could paralyze a first year’s heart, then we need look no further. The Caples Ghost is the talk of every ghost tour, and the main reason Caples wasn’t even a blip on my radar when the housing lottery came around. As president, he’d be very elusive, only making himself known through empty, steamy showers and stalking unsuspecting residents in their dreams to ensure they never forgot who was in charge. While his physical presence on campus would be slim to none, the relationship between us and Campus Safety would be superb.

Peirce Panini Press: Should “It” Be Kenyon’s Next President?

The Peirce Panni Press in all its glory!Today’s prospective candidate we all know. Whether your last encounter with the Panini Press ended with you devouring a crunchy yet gooey quesadilla or making an emergency trip to Knox Community Hospital,* the big P plays a a crucial role in our day-to-day lives at Kenyon. From heating our cookies to pressing our sandwiches, the Panini Press clearly makes our food warming needs its top priority.  And really, what more could you need in a college president? The Panini Press stands to do quite well at the polls. It has tested well with all demographics, with the exception of cold sandwich lovers.  There is only one question left: will the Peirce Panini Press be able to pull enough gooey cheese supporters away from Papa John to secure the presidency?

*The Thrill has no knowledge that anyone has ever been severely injured on the Peirce Panini Press.

Papa John: Should He be Kenyon’s Next President?

This is the first installment in a five-part series. Every night through Thursday, we’ll bring you a new candidate to be Kenyon’s next president. On Friday morning, we’ll open a poll so you can vote for your favorite. The Thrill will then convey the results of that poll to the Presidential Search Committee, which will hold a public meeting on Friday evening.

It’s a presidential year, that’s for sure. While everyone is talking about Romney-Ryan vs. Obama-Biden, there is another presidential race a little closer to Gambier: the race for Kenyon College’s next president. When President S. Georgia Nugent steps down, there will be a void in the Kenyon Community, and I’ll be the first to suggest that void would best be filled by the cheesy goodness of Papa John’s Founder, Spokesman, CEO and Head Chef (that’s speculation, but I’ve seen him flip his share of pizzas in commercials), John Schnatter.

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