“Great photoshopping David!” -Everyone
It’s that time of year again! Spring has slowly (ever so slowly) sprung, the sun is shining and people are realizing how many people actually go to this school after our long winter hibernation. But the jubilations are tainted somewhat with fear as to what lies ahead: SWIMSUIT SEASON. You’ve been surviving on a steady diet of Cove food and cheap beer, and while you aren’t unhealthy, there is a thin veneer of winter blubber that has remained stealthily hidden from view by poofy down jackets (and no one blames you; you survived the Polar Vortex goddam it, you deserve to eat however you want!). For those of you looking to get back to fighting shape, here are a few ways you can get that bod ready for the beach, without actually making that trek down to the KAC, which is really all the workout you would have needed anyways.
1. Pray for more snow: As Alexander Graham Bell said (paraphrasing), “If you’re too lazy to get in shape for real, just make sure you never have to show off your body, like ever. I invented the telephone. YOLO.” You don’t even need to leave the comfort of your own room — simply draw a pentagram into your floor, sacrifice an ice cube in the middle and offer your soul to whatever sick bastard has been causing all this accursed whiteness to fall upon our campus. Continue reading →