Calling your Parents: A Guide

Calling home really is the best option.

Calling home really is the best option.

The first two weeks of school are almost done. By now perhaps you realize four classes in a row on a Thursday wasn’t so great an idea. You still haven’t recovered from the upsetting news that the Bullseye shut-down Friday night. The impending doom of the Kenyon Krud is sending you to the Health Center with sniffles and hand sanitizer. All of these worries make you wish you could cry to your mom, but you have no idea what to even say. Look no further; we’ve got you covered.

  • Rule #1: Call every week. Whether you want to call your mom, father, grandmother, or other adult in your life, make sure you do it often. Although it may seem like everything at Kenyon happens at lightning speed, if you don’t check in on a regular basis then your mom may think you are still “oh so into Johnny the Frat Boy” when really he dumped you outside the bookstore and now you’ve taken to flirting with squirrels. Even if you give a quick five-minute call you’ll probably feel better and also make someone else’s day.  Continue reading

10 o’clock list: Substitute Pets


That’s one squishy Squish!

The end of the semester is approaching, which means you probably haven’t been back to the motherland in a while. What do you miss most? Family? Psh. No. PETS! If finals week has got your goat, and if your pet withdrawal has led you to thinking, Get meow-t of here! I’m ready for summer neigh-cation! No more kitten around! Act now! Here are some alternatives to your faraway furry friends (no pet rocks allowed).  Continue reading

Survivor Tips: The BFEC

Be Prepared

Be Prepared

Like many students at Kenyon, the outdoors scare me. Going out of range of a strong WiFi connection is extremely dangerous and should not be attempted by anyone without proper training. However, I understand that there are some who are daring enough to risk life and limb by going out into the wilds which lie so close to our school. Yes, I am talking about the BFEC. The 380 acres of untamed, uncharted territory given to the school by the Brown family are tempting for some who want to venture off this hill, but the journey should not be taken lightly. Here are some tips for surviving a BFEC excursion: Continue reading

The Perfect Candy for your Major

Even the squirrels at Kenyon are getting excited for Halloween candy.

Even the Kenyon squirrels are getting excited for Halloween candy.

In the spirit of Halloween, I was imagining what candy would appeal to certain majors. I mean, everyone loves chocolate, but for a history major, the historical significance makes each delicious bite take on whole new levels of joy. So for those of you worried about your candy of choice for the coming holiday, look no further. We’ve got you covered.

Math majors love to count things, and M&Ms are the easiest candy to categorize by color or type. Each M&M seems to taste the same and is predictable on the inside, but on the outside has a wide variety of colors. The only difficulty here is that M&Ms are tempting and the subtraction of one M&M could set off an entire problem. Suggestion: invest in infinite bags of M&Ms to ensure that the limit does not exist for the evening. Continue reading

Why You Should Be Terrified of Kenyon Squirrels


Mmm… You came to the wrong neighborhood.

Let’s face it: the squirrels run this place. We all know it, and more importantly, they know it. The most valuable thing I learned from my 7th grade teacher (other than the concept of deus ex machina and that Atticus Finch is Better Than You™) is that squirrels are evil and should not be trusted. Those beady eyes are the window to a soul in which only darkness lies. While this is true of all squirrels everywhere, the situation at college campuses across the country is far worse than any one could have ever imagined.  Continue reading