In case you can’t tell from my cardboard sign, I’m highly qualified.
It’s that time of year, folks — summer jobs are beckoning, and those who already have plans refuse to shut up about them (Nobody cares that you’re “volunteering at your friend’s mom’s NGO”, FYI. Nobody has ever cared. Nobody will ever care.) The CDO tells you to play up practical skills on your resume, but allow me to offer a counterpoint: You’re good at things. Lots of things, probably. So what if none of them are “useful” or “career-relevant”? Here’s a list of some “special skills” I’ve acquired at Kenyon, along with the summer jobs they’d qualify me for if the world was fair — let it inspire you to spin some nonsense of your own into dream-resume material.
1. Social Media Internship: Proficient in TextEdit – Hi, future employer. I imagine you’re seeking a web-savvy intern, and I’d like to emphasize my own abilities in that area. While I don’t know HTML or Java or Photoshop, I am very good at drunkenly composing a sad TextEdit document full of capital-E Emotions right before I went to sleep every weekend night of my first year of college because I had a lot of feelings but also no Microsoft Word. Is this a skill you feel would be beneficial to your organization? Please circle Y or N. Continue reading