Why You Should Be Terrified of Kenyon Squirrels

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Mmm… You came to the wrong neighborhood.

Let’s face it: the squirrels run this place. We all know it, and more importantly, they know it. The most valuable thing I learned from my 7th grade teacher (other than the concept of deus ex machina and that Atticus Finch is Better Than You™) is that squirrels are evil and should not be trusted. Those beady eyes are the window to a soul in which only darkness lies. While this is true of all squirrels everywhere, the situation at college campuses across the country is far worse than any one could have ever imagined.  Continue reading