Tag Archives: The Monday Catchup

The Monday Catchup

GAMBIER, Ohio — A new report released Monday by the Registrar’s Office found that you, a sophomore with several passing grades this semester, are in fact a genius. The report went on to condemn the hundreds of other sophomores who, unlike you, are worthless shit for succumbing to Sophomorus slumpis, a deadly neurological pathogen that targets sophomores. The Registrar’s Office included a supplement from

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The Monday Catchup

April 10th 2017 Boil Alert: Day 5 The day began with gray weather and mild winds from the south east. All but one crew member has the scurvy – hemorrhaging, feverish, and omitting the most vile odors. I fear that my days are numbered. How long must I suffer ingesting this boiled water? How long must my mouth commune with the

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The Monday Catchup

This is the introduction to the Monday Catchup. This is the place where I type up something snarky about the weekend and then some cute ditty about what is happening this week so you lazy bums know where to show face. Now I could talk about Shock Your Mom, but frankly I have PTSD after seeing one too many butt

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The Monday Catchup

How do I begin my Monday? I rise at 3:37 am. I take an icy cold shower followed by an ice bath just so mild hypothermia sets in (that requires an internal temperature of about 95 degrees, friends and lovers). Fully iced, I go for a brisk seven mile run. I run five more miles, because I have an extra

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The Monday Catchup

What can I say about Spring Break 2017 that hasn’t already be said about the wheel, penicillin, or the iPhone – this is a gift to us all. Yet, just as the  wheel, penicillin, and the iPhone have changed, so too has Spring Break 2017. How so? Well, it’s over. Extinct. Gone. Spent. For all 14 days of break, I blissfully

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The Monday Catchup

Can you feel that? It’s Vitamin-D coursing through your veins and the itchy sunburn you got from lounging outside all weekend. I saw someone the other day with a huge sunburn right on their neck. It was funny, because I’ve never seen a sunburn with such a dark hue. It was mottled too. I tried to google ‘sunburn neck blue purple,’

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The Monday Catchup

(A preface: I’m going to get you in the valentines day mood.) Hello! Is it me you’re looking for? I can see it in your eyes. I can see it in your smile. You’re all I’ve ever wanted, and my arms are open wide. ‘Cause you know just what to say, and you know just what to do. And, I want to tell you so much… here’s

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