“Wow, People Are Really Bad At This” Thoughts from the Recycling Center

This article is a contribution written by Mallory Richards!

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Upon unearthing my first and hopefully last butt plug in the ‘papers’ heap of student recycling, I thought to myself “Hey, why would someone think this is recyclable?” (Other questions, too profane to publish, also raced through my mind).

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The Crap in our Refrigerators: Illustrated

A Kenyon student emerges from their final class of the day and heads to their dorm. It’s 4:00 pm and the comfort of their bed is as enticing as a thick cut of meatloaf slathered in ketchup*. That sweet bliss of a peaceful dorm room is at their finger tips as they turn the handle of their door. However, upon entry, the student knows something is wrong; there is an odor in the room. Now, this odor isn’t a familiar odor. It isn’t the dank smell of the hallway. It isn’t the stale beer of the stairwell. It isn’t the abandoned slice of pizza from an all-campus that has been sitting on the water fountain for 3 days. What could it be? The student strides over to the mini fridge in the corner of their room and flings the door open.

 

* if you do not find this image enticing find me in person and we will talk. Peirce meatloaf is a not so hidden gem. Ketchup is the caviar of the masses.

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Electrocute Your Mothers! A One Week Retrospective

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“What is done for fun can be fatal, and feel forever sad.” –A Friend’s Mother

What is Done For Fun

Hello everyone it is I, the Party Goblin. I’m the guy who most recently tricked too many people into believing that Sean Decatur was going to retire after I wrote a late April Fool’s post in which he was replaced by a raccoon. That of course was the endgame of a raccoon-led coup bent on spreading rodent rule across the campus. I didn’t get a lot of sleep the night before.

I’ve discovered through my time at The Thrill that I don’t actually need to come up with ideas. Instead I just make jokes to my Editor-in-Chief Erica Christie, and she comes back and tells me that’s what I’m doing. That’s how I ended up staying for two hours–as long as I possibly could have–at Shock Your Mom, Kenyon’s most naked and clammy party.

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10 o’clock list: Trash Cans that Look like Famous Kenyon Alums

Doppelgangers. Everyone has them. For some, it’s the hip girl in your yoga class. For others, it’s a garbage receptacle. I often find myself gazing at trash cans during my daily jaunts about campus and think to myself, “Hey! That looks like a notable Kenyon alumnus! What an amazing coincidence!” Rather than keep my findings locked inside my labyrinthine brain, I am publicizing them so we can all share a hearty chuckle and perhaps even a knee slap. Without further ado*, here are some trash cans resembling Kenyon grads.

1) John Green

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This trash can shares the same stubbly exterior as this lovable author’s face. Except instead of pebbles, he has human hair! Also, his head is covered in paper. Why is that? John Green definitely has the potential to be a great garbage container.

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