An Exposé on Love, Mail Crime, and Kenyon’s Finest

 

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Very loosely based on a true story 

It’s a fine fall/summer/swelteringly hot day of 90 degrees at Kenyon. You’re walking down the street and the birds, or should I say the construction sounds, are screeching and you’re headed to the bookstore to pick up your package. It’s your birthday. Mom sent you a box which you can speculate is probably filled with candy, cough drops, cough medicine, allergy medicine, tea, more tea, some more tea, your retainer that you “forgot at home”, and finally your birthday present which is a nice fat check. You stroll into the bookstore, down the stairs, and you wait on line behind all the sweaty students until finally it’s your turn. You say your name casually looking down at your phone, but wait there’s more. As the nice woman begins to inform you that they don’t have your package your heart begins to sink. Not have my package?? It’s my birthday! I got an email! You begin to explain the situation. You show them your email you state your name. With a confused look the nice woman breaks the news: Someone. Stole. Your. Package.

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CALL FOR PEIRCE DATES

CALL FOR PEIRCE DATES

Are you sick of walking down Middle Path just to realize that every face you pass is unfamiliar? Do you crave the sensation of gently caressing another person’s hand as you reach for the same Chipotle mayo bottle? Or are you just looking for something beyond the bizarre Kenyon hookup culture for a meaningful conversation on the middle of New Side?

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Peirce Date: Love at First Sight

“Peirce Dates are back and accepting applicants who are not afraid of awkward conversations with strangers.  For those of our readers who are unfamiliar with The Thrill’s dating service, a Peirce Date is a lovely thing where the yentas at The Thrill set two people up on a blind date at Peirce, and then we find out how it went. Hilarity ensues.” – Leslie Martin ’14

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Photo credit Leslie Martin ’14 (creator of the Peirce Date)

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Why I Wasn’t Cool in High School: A True Story

Daria tells it like it is.

Daria tells it like it is.

Before starting this post, I told my old high school friends that I was writing a piece on why I wasn’t cool in high school, and asked if they had any memorable stories or moments that really backed up that point. The majority of them responded like this:

You should JUST post a picture of yourself from freshman year!!!!!!!! And then just like, be done with the post!

(A warm shout-out to all my loving, kind, dear friends.)

And this all actually got me really sad, and really kind of disappointed in our high school selves. Continue reading

Shared iTunes Speed Dating

As midterms and spring break approach, students may find them distracted what is really important in a collegiate education: finding a hook-up someone to have a long-lasting, committed relationship with. But fear not, Kenyon! For we at the Thrill have used our iTunes-creeping skills to come up with a sure-fire way to find your soulmate. All with the bonus of not having to change out of your sweatpants and no small talk! All it really takes to find your soul mate is a few hours in Olin, a laptop and the ability to flip through peoples’ shared iTunes libraries with little to no regret. It’s so easy to find true love–just look after the jump to find out how!

“I’m so glad I followed the Thrill’s advice! I finally found someone who likes Modest Mouse as much as I do! Thanks thekenyonthrill.com!”

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