Loathe him or hate him, Trump has been voted out of office, despite his insistence that the election was rigged. I don’t know about most of the Kenyon population, but I’m stoked. I haven’t had serotonin levels this high since… well… who knows? To keep the happy chemicals coming, I’ve curated a playlist dedicated to bidding you-know-who an enthusiastic “good riddance!” I may have questionable music taste, at best, but the following songs are standouts as far as emulating the feeling of euphoria upon realizing we’ll be kicking him out of the White House in a few short months.Continue reading
WELCOME KIDS, IT’S TIME TO LEARN ABOUT CULTURE! If you’re one of the people in the above image, god please keep reading! There’s still hope for you so let me save your soul.
FACT #1: Cinco de Mayo isn’t Mexico’s Independence Day. Most people know that. If you didn’t now you do! No worries! We all need to be educated sometimes!
Ketchup is, of course, a tomato-based sauce commonly used to compliment various dishes, especially in American cuisine. But do you know how its made? Well I’m going to tell you. You take tomatoes, sugar, vinegar, salt, spices, onion, and garlic. The more ketchup you want to make, the more ingredients you use. You take the tomatoes and put them in a bowl, then put that bowl in the microwave. Turn the microwave on and melt the tomatoes. This makes the tomatoes into tomato liquid. Then you take the bowl out of the microwave and put all the other ingredients in. Shake the bowl up and down without a cover to mix everything up. After that, you’re almost done. Take your feet and step in the bowl to squish everything together. Don’t wash your feet first. When your feet are totally covered with the mixture, then you’re done. Wipe the stuff off your feet and put it in a bottle. That’s ketchup. Throw anything left in the bowl away because that’s not ketchup. You’ve now made ketchup. It’s the Friday Ketchup.
Welcome back from break, kiddos. I hope you all got to spend some time tanning like I did. I sure do love peeling off the skin from every inch of my body, the intense satisfaction of it slowly detaching in my fingers. Like a molting snake I am born anew, tan and clean. All look in awe at my bronzed body, basking in my otherworldly glow. I have absorbed the Sun and taken its light. Darkness runs from me and the pale northern hordes are forced to shield their eyes from my brilliance. I am a golden god. Nothing can stop me. It’s the Friday Ketchup. Continue reading
It’s the last day before Spring Break. That’s right, soon you’ll be sitting at home or at a beach or somewhere else relaxing and enjoying your downtime, forgetting about everything at Kenyon, including all that work that your professors assigned over break. That’s right, you won’t be reading that 300-page book for your English class, or that dense 50-page article for Political Science, and you definitely won’t be writing that paper due a few days after you get back from break. I mean, why would you? It’s not like once you get back it will all come crashing down on you like a pile of bricks, crushing your very soul along with your GPA. I’m sure it will be fine. Enjoy your break. You earned it. It’s The Friday Ketchup