Warning: The following is semi-educational and not recommended for the purposes of actual guidance. My colleague, Deeridre, is not a certified advice columnist, nor is her advice very applicable to modern college life, but she certainly puts our silly student problems in perspective. Take her word with a salt lick.
Greetings human juveniles of Kenyon College,
Today’s Kenyon Kritters features a special guest author: it’s me! I ran into your regular correspondent, Sarah, as I often do in the fields down at the BFEC, and she sighed and told me “Deeridre, everyone keeps asking me for advice with their human problems, like I have the slightest idea what they’re talking about!” Well, as the responsible adult, I decided to put hoof to keyboard and help the poor child out, so I’ve ruminated on your letters and attempted to answer some of your concerns. And I only ate, like, 6.