After months drenched in cold interpersonal indifference and soul-dampening flesh rot, we are at last able to celebrate the return of our Most Excellent Queen Mother, The Sun. Raise your face to the sky, my esteemed friends! Mother will reward you with Divine Facial Moisture and grace you with refreshing Knee Pit Liquid. Nothing in life is sweeter than the scent of Mother’s Gifts. All is well, splendid student folk; our lives have been illuminated by the All-Powerful Science Orb. We must raise a raucous cheer of joy.
1. The Removal of Calf Cloth. No longer must we shroud our lower leg meat in secrecy. Our tender flesh must breathe anew. Release your unshaven shanks! Absorb Mother’s wide beams of love!