Here’s a playlist of songs that have never, ever been played on a WKCO radio show by a girl wearing a Carhartt jacket. If Glossier Boy Brow was a song, it would be Your Dog by Soccer Mommy. All are these artists are very cool and alt, but also way too famous to play at the Horn on a Thursday. Blast this playlist out the window of your New Apt so all of your neighbors know that you’re a connoisseur of music by skinny twenty-somethings who dress like Kenyon students. Enjoy your weekend!
There are three types of people on November first.
1) Those who are suffocated by 6 yards of twinkle lights, getting off to fruit cake and mistletoe. (If you are personally offended by this image the solution is simple: Chill. You scare me.)
2) Those who wait for Thanksgiving, relishing in the comfort of normalized colonialism BEFORE the capitalistic surge. (Someone figure out how much Tryptophan will make me sleep through all the holidays.)
3) Those who don’t care about either holiday and want and excuse to get drunk and swap spit. Happy New Year, bleep bloorp vomitalloveryourdress. (If New Years Eve is your favorite holiday, you are clearly grappling with some personal issues. Yikes.)
Here’s music for all you sickos.
It began, as all things do, at 11 am in Kenyon’s subterranean slop haus — Marriott dining room. Our editorial staff had just finished assigning weekly posts, and the conversation slid into dangerous territory. “What are you going to be for halloween, Mia?” one of those scabby daily editors dared to ask me (it was Chris Raffa just FYI). Huh. The thought had never occurred to me before this, truly. I was too busy thinking about the pebble lodged in the foot bed of my Converse, the hot n’ fresh C+ on my Chemistry exam, and the particularly nasty pimple on my ass (we all have our own issues. hop off.) to think about halloween dress up. I typed frantically into my search bar on the computer screen in front of me. The only result for “Halloween Costume, DIY, funny” was an avalanche of “Sexy” costumes: sexy nurse, sexy girl scout, sexy pizza rat.
Let’s be honest, I knew this would happen. You knew this would happen.
Every year we hear the same joke about the hilarity of commercialized, sexed up hot dogs and mechanics. Old. News. I’m looking for new frontiers. I think I stumbled upon one…maybe. What about Halloween music? It seems dichotomized by scary white-noise-sound-effects and tongue-in-cheek ditties about blobs and ghouls. But do some extra digging and you’ll stumble upon the sexy halloween that no one asked for, but that everyone deserves. I decided to showcase the steamiest halloween tunes for you. Enjoy!
In the wake of Kenyon’s momentous 75 million dollar donation, another hunk of cheddar slid quietly into the hands of Denison’s administration on Friday afternoon. Not to be outdone by a rival institution, Denison officials announced that they too received a 75 million dollar donation; theirs was simply in the form of Chuck-E-Cheese coins as opposed to legal tender. The donor, who wishes to remain anonymous, requested that the funds be used to uphold the sacrosanctity of both the university and the arcade-pizzaria franchise (NOW OFFERING THIN CRUST AND GLUTEN-FREE OPTIONS!).
“This donation will allow us to make Denison a place, to borrow a phrase from Chuck, ‘where a kid can be a kid’,” said Denison President Adam Weinberg in a formal announcement on twitter.
The coin will be used to install standalone slots machines in Curtis Café, The Nest, and The Slop Pit across from one of those brick buildings on campus Idon’treallyknow.
In order to celebrate the success of Ohio’s liberal arts institutions, I’ve crafted a jovial playlist for the weekend. Listen while you drink with your pals, Ladies, chums, Lords, and Buzzards (Denison picked that mascot, not me.) Here’s to your success, Denison!
Well. Here you go. Play it while you cry. Play it while you make love. Play it while you take finals. Play it after you take finals. Play it while you nervously pick at your acne scabs infront of your crush. Ok I’ve said too much. bye. go.
It’s that crazy time of year, folks. The halls are decked with flashcards and free bookstore coffee, and the only snow you’re seeing is ripped up essays flowing from the ceiling of Olin. Are you crying into your Peppermint Mocha because you miss the days when December meant getting free candy canes and making snowflakes in Elementary School? Are you at the point of stressed where you don’t feel stressed but simply feel angry at school? Take a break and listen to some exam and holiday inspired tunes to get into the spirit of finals!
Last Christmas – Wham!
AT LONG LAST, IT HAS ARRIVED!
The sweet refuge of existence, the delightful eye, bleary with sleep, of a dreary, five-day-long hurricane, the romance of our days. Whether you spend your nights huddled in the loving, forgiving glow of Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp or imbibing the ambrosia of the collegiate soiree, THE WEEKEND IS HERE, YOU GUYS.
And so is The Weeknd.