Breaking: Someone Drove Into the Peoples Bank (Updated)

Ruh-roh! (David Hoyt for The Thrill)

According to Peoples Bank of Gambier employees, a woman backing out of the bank’s parking lot crashed into the side of the bank at around noon today. One employee speculated that she may have hit the gas instead of the brake.

No one was hurt, and the car has since been removed, but significant damage to the bank building is evident.

A crew is currently in the process of removing debris, and there is an actual hole in the wall. The bank is still operating, but part of the tellers’ area is blocked off, and buckling of the wall and drop ceiling is apparent.

We don’t want to be the Blog that Cried Wolf, but we smell a conspiracy here. Last October, a speeding car rammed through the front of Fiesta Mexicana while members of the service organization Circle K were having dinner. This weekend, Circle K is running an alternative gift market, which has to do with money, which has to do with BANKS! The truth will come out!

Another photo (interior view!) below the jump. Continue reading

Apparently We’re the Fifth “Druggiest” College in America

The Daily Beast has come out with this fine piece of journal-slideshow-ism ranking the American colleges with the worst drug cultures, and Kenyon comes in at number five. The rankings are based on “drug safety” grades pulled from College Prowler (40% of the score), the number of on-campus drug-related arrests per year relative to the size of the school (also 40%) and the prevalence of drug use by 18-25 year olds in general in the state each college is located in (20% of the score).

Perhaps the most interesting thing about this list is how Kenyon compares to other institutions in Ohio. Four of the 30 listed schools are in Ohio, and apparently we’re druggier than Miami University and Ohio Wesleyan, but less druggy than Denison (which is number two; the top prize goes to the University of Colorado—Boulder). The fact that Oberlin doesn’t appear anywhere makes this list’s accuracy highly suspect.

Possible follow-up study: exclude the Horn from the Kenyon campus and see how many spots we fall.

Be Thankful You Aren’t Being Chased by a Demon Turkey

The only turkey most of us encounter on Thanksgiving is a delicious, moist roasted one, sitting serenely on our dining table and surrounded by his friends, cranberries and stuffing. This poor local news reporter, however, had the misfortune of being stalked for several terrifying minutes by a demonic wild turkey. Lessons to be learned: A) If someone tips you off about an evil turkey in their yard, just take their word for it and don’t investigate, B) mail carriers are everyday heroes (and when they corner the turkey, run away and don’t wait around for him to start running at you again) and C) JESUS CHRIST, NOOOO!!! <gobble gobble>

Two Men Arrested in Caples Early This Morning (UPDATED)

Update: Both men, according to Hooper, had charges of criminal trespass filed against them.

Two people were taken into custody in Caples Residence Hall by the Knox County Sheriff’s Office early this morning, Director of Campus Safety and Security Bob Hooper has confirmed to The Thrill. The men were not students.

A group of students in the lobby reported seeing two men led out of the elevator in handcuffs by sheriff’s deputies around 1:25 a.m. Campus Safety vehicles, including an SUV and a golf cart, were mixed in with the Sheriff’s vehicles parked in the fire lane behind Caples around the time of the arrest. By 1:35 a.m., the officers had all left the area.

The Thrill will update this story as more information becomes available.

A Happy Coda to Last Fall’s Tragic Knox County Murders

The Columbus Dispatch published a profile today of 14-year-old Sarah Maynard, who was held captive by convicted murderer Matthew Hoffman for 4 days last November. Maynard is “usually happy all the time,” she reports, and plays volleyball and is on the honor roll at school. She hopes to be a pediatrician when she grows up. Knox County Prosecutor John C. Thatcher credits Maynard’s family’s support for Maynard’s well-being; she now lives with her father, stepmother and two younger half brothers in nearby Franklin County.

While Maynard escaped any permanent harm after being bound in Hoffman’s basement, her mother, brother and a family friend were murdered and dismembered by Hoffman, their bodies hidden in a hollow Knox County tree. The story made national headlines, and Kenyon was briefly in the spotlight when campus was locked down after a vehicle involved in the crime was found at the BFEC. Hoffman was sentenced to life in prison and currently resides in the Toledo Correctional Institution.

Guess Where the Only Episcopal Bishop Ever Tried for Heresy Went to School?

Yup, right here! Well, technically he went to the now-closed Bexley Hall seminary. In addition to being a racist who called miscegenation a crime worse than murder, William Montgomery Brown attended the seminary for three years in the 1880s, although he did not actually graduate. (He did, however, manage to get convicted after being charged with heresy, so at least he followed through with that.)

But that was probably an overblown charge, right? “‘I no longer believed in a personal God, nor in a six-day creation, nor in a literal heaven and hell,’ Brown wrote. No fall of man, nor a redemption through the blood of Christ, either. Creeds, he decided, were symbolical, nothing more,” notes the article on Brown in the most recent Alumni Bulletin. Well, maybe that charge of heresy was apt after all.

Brown later became both an Evolutionist and a Communist, writing that “Darwin was now my Old Testament, Marx my New.”

A historic photograph of William Montgomery Br—oh wait, this is Charles Montgomery Burns.