Welcome back to the Thrill: Kenyon’s Top Investigative Journal. Tonight, I put my sleuth shoes back on to find out who’s in charge of the music at Wiggin Street Coffee.Continue reading
So, most of us drink coffee. The sweet, sweet bitter drink that makes you work like something has grabbed hold of your mind and shoved it into a bucket of water and electrocuted it. Or maybe that’s just me. Anyway, being on this good Episcopalian campus, we must walk down Middle Path at least a billion times a day, and on this walk we must pass Wiggin Street Coffee.
I’m just gonna go right out there and say it…. I miss Olin. Yes. I miss that ugly looking, depressing, cinder block palace and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. Walking past the wall, ash falling from the sky, I think back to a time when I had a finite location to procrastinate, bother people in periodicals, and draw on whiteboards I never needed to be touching at all. It’s a sad fact that the mods just don’t do it for me like good old Olin. Olin was sexier, cooler, more low key. I have desperately attempted to find my “spot” for this year’s studying. I tested the waters of multiple locations and yet somehow most all of them failed me.
So over the summer our beloved Wiggin Street Coffee got a face lift, which no one actually asked for. It kind of seems like, what with the new bookstore and the entirely new English building, our favorite coffee spot decided that it, too, wanted some changes. And that’s, you know, that’s fine I guess. I don’t mind the sort of weird new layout, actually. It’s neither here nor there, this isn’t an op-ed piece, it’s a 10 o’clock list. There’s a structure here.
They’re here! Wiggin Street’s new line of light roasts was released this past week, and they’ve been a hit on campus—specifically, a smashing and much needed hit to this campus’s overblown ego! Whether you’re a coffee person or something other than carbon-based, there’s a new Wiggin’s light roast for everybody. The baristas customize each one! Here are a few of our favorites:
- “Plain latte! Decafe to match your personality: all aesthetic no substance!”
- “I recreated your male pattern baldness in the cappuccino art”
- “Please take a shower.”
- “I know you asked for it iced, but you’re already frigid as hell.”
- “You asked for tea, so I spit in this cup a few times and stirred it around with my thumb—which has been up my butt—because that’s basically the same thing as Earl Gray.”
- “Just take your pumpkin spice, clogs, and white feminism and leave.”
- “Mudslide latte. Speaking of which, for the love of god flush after you’re done with the bathroom. And eat a damn banana every once and a while.”