Listen, man! I’m not going to jail for you, or AINYBODY! (via netflix.com)

We’re more than halfway through the school year, and chances are that you’re getting pretty tired of your usual beverage selection, whether it be your standard Wiggins order, your usual post-KAC smoothie of choice, or that cup of half-beer-half-foam you and your three best friends had to throw elbows for while waiting in line for 15 minutes at a registered party. But never fear, friends; I have just the thing to shake yourself free from that thick, crusty mantle of fatigue and self-loathing that inevitably seems to cover our bodies every year, come mid-February.

Your prayers have been answered in liquid form, through the list of Kenyon Kocktails chronicled below. 50% recipe, 50% experiential-emotional scavenger hunt, and 100% time-sensitive, these drinks are all exclusive to and evocative of life on the Hill right now, so go ahead and enjoy these seasonal specialties while you can!

1. The Middle Path Mudslide. Even more fun/dangerous than adding caffeine and chocolate to hard liquor, this drink is exactly what it sounds like. Equal parts wet dirt, slush, and feelings of regret for placing fashion over function when choosing your winter boots, this drink can easily be taken to the next level with just a dash of split blood, paired with an overwhelming sense of schadenfreude as you watch someone go down HARD in front of Gund Gallery. And if you’re still looking for more, a garnish can easily be created by crushing up some shoe pebbles to put all around that rim-rim-rim-rim.

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