Ugh, aren’t you gone yet? Who even likes college.
1) Lucius – Go Home
Literally leave. There’ll be a fine for staying on campus soon. Crawl back to where you were birthed.
The end is nigh, seniors. Soon you will slap on a pair of wings, and like the young Icaruses you are, you will aim for the sky. Hopefully not too high. You know what happened to Icarus because you went to a liberal arts school. Go for middle-management. Don’t melt those wings. Anyhow, for those of you who may not want to fly, there’s nothing wrong with trying to prolong the undergraduate experience for a little longer. So here are a few ideas of how you can stay at Kenyon after you graduate.
1. Trick Chef Meagan into thinking you are the twin of her unborn child. Sneak into her nursery and climb into her baby’s crib in nothing but a diaper. Hopefully she will take you in, and you will spend a second childhood being raised by one of our most beloved community members. (Though be careful that she doesn’t post pictures of you to Instagram, blowing your cover!) Read more…
The trees that we believe will soon line the northern portion of Middle Path are currently in the process of being unloaded by Bexley Hall. We have no idea when the trees will actually be planted, though an email sent about a month ago said all trees should be in the ground by Commencement, with all work being completed by Reunion Weekend, just in time for the southern portion of Middle Path to be torn up and replaced.Tree-lightful!
Located in NCA A3, Unity House is a safe space for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning (LGBTQ) members of the Kenyon community. It’s also been known to be a generally welcoming place run by great people!
We’re more than halfway done with finals week, so you’re either looking like the Corpse Bride or Fruma-Sarah from Fiddler on the Roof. Either way, you’re probably not looking too good. Of course, that doesn’t even mention your mental state. Fortunately, I can help you with that, thanks to my compilation of reality tv GIFs that articulate those feelings you are unable to.
- Wait, who’s Nietzsche again? Read more…