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10 o’ clock list: Kenyon-Themed Reality Shows

March 31, 2015

reality show

With Gambier’s fast-paced go go go lifestyle, sometimes it’s hard to set aside some alone time to catch up on your favorite shows. But just imagine the possibilities if we were given access to reality shows about the lives of the people around us! It would be so easy to watch, so fun to watch, and it would truly make the Kenyon Bubble straight up impenetrable. Honestly, let’s get a Kickstarter going for some of these babies!

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We Downloaded Average Photos of Famous Kenyon Alumni. What Happened Next Will Astound You.

March 31, 2015
baby-silhouette-hi

IT A MYSTERY

Recently, I was reminded by my Thrill colleague’s timely roast of Rutherford B. Hayes that some seriously influential and somewhat baller people have graduated from Kenyon over the past hundred-odd years. With this knowledge dancing around in my brain box, I was compelled to ask: What would it be like if a bunch of successful alumni got together and had weird kids? Once that idea nugget poked its head out of the proverbial egg that is my skull, nothing could stop me from making my dream a reality. Man-man couplings that can’t produce children? Non-intersecting lifespans? WHO CARES. Let’s smash some faces together and see what we get.

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Klexicon Entry: P is for Pinkhaus

March 31, 2015

PINK House? More like THINK (Again) House!!!!! (via Photobucket)

If you think this Klexicon entry is going to be about the Pink House, an off campus house affiliated with the Phi Kaps, you couldn’t be more wrong. No, this entry is rather a RANT to express my RAGE at the RAMPANT DISORGANIZATION and MISLABELING that PLAGUES our campus.

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Kenyon Kanye: Part II

March 31, 2015

You might not know it yet, but most of Kanye West’s tweets are actually about Kenyon. Almost any Kanye tweet can be tied back to Kenyon if you know what to look for, which we do (shout out to my liberal arts education for these critical analysis skills). Last time, we looked at how Kanye’s tweets reflect Kenyon’s faculty and staff. This time, we’re looking at what Kanye has to say about Kenyon’s campus.

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Kenyon Mythbusters: Caples 511

March 31, 2015

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Rumor has it that there’s a room in Caples….a room that only men can live in because girls can’t handle all that ghost shit. When we brought this rumor up in our weekly meeting, an editor was quick to point out that she, in fact, lives there.

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Seniors Reminisce: Most Missed Outdoor Sitting Spots

March 31, 2015
via despositphotos.com

This just doesn’t look very comfy. via despositphotos.com

Reminiscences are hard after Spring Break, the whole ‘Kenyon Experience’ starts to feel like a blobby mush, and it becomes very hard to pick apart the memories. This is why people keep journals. Recently, it’s been a real fight for the group of adirondacks outside of Rosse Hall and the ones outside of Gund Gallery; people eye them as they leave their classes, ready to squelch any turd who gets in their way. I swear this is not just me. As someone who has always hated Competitive Outdoor Chair-Hunting, I’ve been thinking a lot about this: I think it might be a conspiracy related to global warming and ‘they’ are slowly trying to move us indoors more permanently. But that’s not really relevant. Here are some of the most missed outdoor sitting spots: Read more…

10 o’clock list: Things Never to Say to an English Major

March 30, 2015
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I like big books and I cannot lie HA HA HA English major inside joke no one else understands!!!!11!!!

Maybe you’re an English major. Maybe you aren’t. Maybe you only speak a rare dialect of Esperanto. But like it or not, Kenyon is a thriving rat’s nest of English majors, many of whom are on the verge of a nervous breakdown. We can all get a little sensitive about our intended degrees, be they in the Natural Sciences, the Social Sciences, the Humanities, the Fine Arts, the Seriously I’m Fine Arts, the Please Leave Me Alone Arts, or the Kevin, Your Puny Mind Could Never Begin to Comprehend the Deep Abyss of Human Woe that is Me, You Illiterate Buffoon Arts. As an English major I know firsthand the tediousness of having to field numerous questions about my area of interest. The following are things to NEVER say to an English major EVER.

1) Why are your fingernails five feet long? Uh, maybe because of luminary author Kurt Vonnegut? Slaughterhouse Five? Like, learn a book.

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