Inside my Bushnell dorm, light filters through the southward-facing window and onto thirty various-sized pots and refurbished k-cups, each housing succulents, or cacti, or a propagating pineapple top that I dug out of the servery garbage can.
An Exposé on Love, Mail Crime, and Kenyon’s Finest
Very loosely based on a true story
It’s a fine fall/summer/swelteringly hot day of 90 degrees at Kenyon. You’re walking down the street and the birds, or should I say the construction sounds, are screeching and you’re headed to the bookstore to pick up your package. It’s your birthday. Mom sent you a box which you can speculate is probably filled with candy, cough drops, cough medicine, allergy medicine, tea, more tea, some more tea, your retainer that you “forgot at home”, and finally your birthday present which is a nice fat check. You stroll into the bookstore, down the stairs, and you wait on line behind all the sweaty students until finally it’s your turn. You say your name casually looking down at your phone, but wait there’s more. As the nice woman begins to inform you that they don’t have your package your heart begins to sink. Not have my package?? It’s my birthday! I got an email! You begin to explain the situation. You show them your email you state your name. With a confused look the nice woman breaks the news: Someone. Stole. Your. Package.
Where’s It At? w/DYS (9/21/18)
Dounia’s coming at us from an intimate setting, to tell us where it’s at this weekend!
10 O’Clock List: Next Buildings to get Unneeded, Unasked For Renovations
So over the summer our beloved Wiggin Street Coffee got a face lift, which no one actually asked for. It kind of seems like, what with the new bookstore and the entirely new English building, our favorite coffee spot decided that it, too, wanted some changes. And that’s, you know, that’s fine I guess. I don’t mind the sort of weird new layout, actually. It’s neither here nor there, this isn’t an op-ed piece, it’s a 10 o’clock list. There’s a structure here.
Kenyon Statues with Big Dick Energy
“La Montagne” by Aristide Maillol
Open up the Kenyon College instagram. What do you see? Interspersed between photos of grinning first-years and intensely saturated flowers are Kenyon’s unofficial mascots: the campus statues. They see us when we’re sleeping, they know when we’re awake, and they know when we take cups from Peirce so stop for goodness sake! But which statues have the power, the drive, the big dick energy to command our attention by emitting mind-controlling vibrations?
Kenyon American Girl Doll: Meet Emma, Kate, Claire or any one of the Names There are 6 of in Your English Class
She’s probably got brown hair, wears clogs, and knows all the lyrics to Your Dog by Soccer Mommy. Facing the plight of no deli, the newest member to the American Girl family has the tenacity–fueled by the light wash jeans she got from the Wednesday sale–to make it through any obstacle in her (middle) path.
Kenyon and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Bathroom Experiences
photo credit: Kenyon Jank
Here at Kenyon, we all have bodies and all bodies need bathrooms. There are a lot of bathrooms on campus, some of which are nice and some of which are very scary. Most Kenyon students have a mental list of the bathrooms they like most and prioritize the patronage of those. However, even in the safest bathrooms, you can experience something that can chill you to the bone. These are their stories.
