APPLY TO THE THRILL FOR THE FIRST CLUE TOWARDS FINDING NO-EYED NELSON’S LOST GOLD (application extended)

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Well howdy there all you treasure seekers, plunderers, and vagabonds alike. Now I know you’re all a’fixin’ to get on the search for the elusive treasure trove of No-Eyed Nelson, hidden for these past two hundred years in parts unknown. Well, word around the spittoon is that the first clue on that mighty fine quest might be found by applying to write for the Thrill! That’s what I did, and just look at me now:

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The Monday Catchup

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You need to stop forming a hoard. I cannot navitage Middle Path when you clot up the main artery of this campus. For example, last evening I was walking home from my duty round because I’m a CA who signed up to be RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR ACTIONS, and a huge mass of you come barraling towards me with the force of an impending colon blowout. I’m forced to jaywalk and proceed to have a 10 minute conversation with the sheriff about my IRRESPONSIBILITY while you stumble past, pee behind a pine tree, and defile the good name of The Kenyon Thrill by placing us in the same sentence as Buzzfeed. Go figure out what Disney princess you are based on your kink. I’ll be here waiting. Don’t even tell me how your weekend was.

“My weekend was bad, because I was forced to jaywalk.”

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Starter Packs for Your Dorm

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Dorms. Among the filth and mold, we’ve learned to call them home. Part of the fun of these exorbitantly expensive cinderblock jail cells is leaving your (temporary) mark on the place and putting your unique spin on the place. But, as unique as we are all hell-bent on convincing ourselves that we are, these places have more of an impact on us than we like to admit. What does your dorm say about you?  Continue reading