If you are in an A Cappella group, this is my public apology.
I’ve suppressed this experience for nearly a year. It was even a fair amount of people’s first impression of me, since the episode took place orientation week of my first year at Kenyon. But I’m ready to come forward and be completely honest with my peers. If you were seated in the Rosse Hall auditorium in August 2019 and heard any of the following: laughing, choking, snorting, chortling… I am so, so sorry.
I considered apologizing in video format, as is the go-to for many online influencers. That way, you could all look into my mascara-free eyes and see that I am speaking from the heart– and that I had been crying all morning :( *
*NOT just that I got good night sleep and didn’t do my usual makeup routine to appear more vulnerable to the masses. Anyway.
But ultimately, I decided the best way to go was Open Letter. Because if student journalists, the American government (not really), and my mother’s scathing TripAdvisor review of Virgin Airlines have taught me anything it’s this: putting your feelings all out there in written form is always the most effective route to take!
SO Dear Kenyon, I am sorry. I am sorry for the unruly loud laughter, among other noises, that I made that fateful day. I am especially sorry to the Kokosingers, the Owl Creeks, the Ransom Notes, the Chasers, The Broken Legs, Mannerchor, and the Stairwells. Or any of the groups I forgot. Y’all are a little too abundant to keep track. Yet another reason why I need to apologize, even selfishly. Small campus. I can’t afford more nemesises, let alone nemesi in numbers.
But really, you guys are talented. Angelic voices, creative arrangements, and a beautiful answer to the question “what that mouth do?” I must reassure you, the laughter wasn’t directed to you or at your expense. It was completely unrelated. While I’m on my honesty brigade, I feel it is necessary to share with you what I was actually laughing at.
It was my friend’s reimagining of the Fairly Odd Parents theme song.
And that after that, I got to thinking about the scene where Mr. Turner goes into a job interview and introduces himself as “Timmy’s Dad.” Like that’s his formal name or something. You’d be losing it too, that bit was incredible.
Everything’s funnier when it’s rude to laugh. Especially Fairly Odd Parents. But I digress, and I am willing to take the steps forward to make it up to Kenyon performers in the future.
As soon as you guys put on another showcase, I’ll be sitting in the audience respectfully. Or I’ll just, you know, mute myself or something.