Earlier this week the BFEC released an email via student-info reminding students to be safe during hunting season. While initially this seemed like a reasonable warning–especially for those who lack familiarity with the post-Thanksgiving Bambush (indeed, that is a combination of Bambi and ambush)–some of the suggestions were a bit unusual. Read on for our analysis:

The first warning, “Limit your wanderings off the Hill.” What? Why? Is it open rifle season at Walmart too? Don’t leave the hill? More like don’t follow the light. Are we a cult? Where’s the Kool-Aid?

The second warning, “DO NOT TRESPASS OR LEAVE BFEC TRAILS FOR ANY REASON.  That is a year-round rule.” But Ma! What if I have to go to the bathroom?!

The third warning, of course, “Wear brightly colored clothing.”Ok BFEC, we catch your drift, but DON’T TELL ME HOW TO LIVE MY LIFE.*

The fourth, and most convivial, “Take a buddy and enjoy a lively conversation or sing-along.”Please, I’m not going to serenade just any forest. And maybe I don’t have any friends. #Howdyalikemenow??

*But actually. You should probably follow this one and ignore our sass.