Frances Sutton cowrote this post with S. Ryan Kaye.

Hey, y’all — remember middle school? I sure as hell do; that was the peak of my popularity … my glory days, if you will.  I ran Charles E. Brown Middle School (yes, I know, Charlie Brown — got it, heard it, shut up).  This week, my comrade Frances Sutton (the Suttonator) and I will bring you the top songs you will be nostalgic for in 10 years but you don’t currently listen to because they’re not retro yet because you are a hipster douche, a.k.a. nostalgia-bomb songs.  In the interest of time, and interest, we will describe each song in 5 words.

• Beverly Hills by Weezer (Nerd dreaming of selling out) – FS
• Ocean Avenue by Yellow Card (White boy problems equals jam) – SRK
• Swing, Swing by All American Rejects (Hey there, seventh grade angst) – FS
• 1985 by Bowling For Soup (A song about nostalgia … meta!) – SRK
• Bubbly by Colbie Caillet (“Tinglies in a silly place”) – FS
• Temperature by Sean Paul (Wikipedia … first paragraph … enough said.) – SRK

• The Remedy by Jason Mraz (Catchy, but … what’s he saying?) – FS
• Family Affair by Mary J. Blige (Least relevant artist on list) – SRK
• Since U Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson (Classic Girl Power Pre-game Anthem) – FS
• When You Were Young by The Killers (They deserved a spot somewhere) – RK
• Float On by Modest Mouse (It’s okay! We’re all fuck-ups!) – FS
• My Humps by The Black Eyed Peas (Love Your Body Week anyone?) – SRK
• Hey Baby! by No Doubt (Unpopular phrases + Weird videos = 2000) – FS
• How To Save A Life by The Fray (Sentimental as hell, very good) – SRK
• Party In The USA by Miley Cyrus (Innovative use of “like yeah”) – FS
• Pon De Replay by Rihanna (Embarrassed that I like this) – SRK
• Wagon Wheel by Old Crow Medicine Show (Kenyon Matriculation in song form) – FS
• In Da’ Club by 50 Cent (My ideal Old Kenyon party) – SRK (Also: would you get a load of this music video? I could seriously write a whole post just on this.)

Download this as a playlist on your iPod and you’re most of the way to being on the cutting edge of cool; on the other hand, this column’s growing popularity (not to toot my own horn) could be a self-fulfilling prophecy — just kidding, I’m just a sophomore at Kenyon College!  Until next time, folks, keep it real.