Chances are that with each day finals get closer, your coffee intake increases. Logically then, you’ll probably start burning through those disposable coffee cups like Kenyon toilet paper. Sorry if that image just ruined whatever comfort food you’re preemptively pounding prior to your f@#$%*! finals freakout (what’s good Alliterati? Just kidding, there is no such secret society slinking slyly in sylvan shadows). Multiple alliteration jokes, it must be really getting close to Armageddon on the hill, I hope you will accept my apology. If you don’t, I guess we’ll have some sort of literarily inspired beef in a way so quintessentially Kenyon we’ll earn a spot on the website photo wall. Things are looking up already hater.
Back to the point though, with all these to-go cups circulating, what’s the point in throwing them out? Trayless Tuesdays and Thursdays taught me that it’s all about sustainability these days, so with that in my heart and mind, I present the Top Five Things to Do With Disposable Peirce Cups after the jump!
- Recycle them—It’s not really that thrilling, much like alliterative humor. Then again, saving the environment isn’t always Avatar in 3D.
- A protective cup—Jury-rig that thing around your testicular region and you’ll have at least a degree of protection (made from recyclable materials) from the swift kick in the balls that is sure to come after one or more finals. For those of you exempt from this particular threat, adjust your protective cup accordingly.
- Ball them up into a nest/pillow— Desperate times call for desperate measures, such as emergency on the spot power naps and or comas. Ideally the place for this is the depths of the library but, if you want to express some suppressed colonial instincts, or simply expand your gang’s turf, try setting up multiple nests. With some fundamental Lego knowledge as well as an appreciation for igloo building techniques, you might succeed in constructing a shack out of enough cups. With a little more luck, you might find yourself with a Love Shack.
- Dry your tears—Not from the stress of finals week, but instead from the overwhelming melancholy you’ll endure after realizing the rest of your summer might include air conditioning. Make sure to mention your air-condition less college to get some real-world street cred, or to simply earn pitying looks.
- Pour one out—After completing your last final, take the cup and fill with your alcohol of choice and pour one out for all the homies still struggling. Then throw it back like it’s Wiggin Street lemonade.