10 o’clock list: What to Do When You Realize You’re Flirting with a Prospie

In case you need to be saved this Thumbs Up Day. (via screencrush.com)

Somehow, after the blur that was Send-Off and the nine hours you spent in the library today making up for Send-Off, you forgot that today was Thumbs Up Day. Fine. No big deal. You go to dinner, sit down with your friends and there he/she/it is. You think to yourself, This is a really weird time for someone to be coming back from abroad. But because the world is still moving strangely slow, you’re willing to suspend disbelief. So you get to talking, you get to laughing, you get to flirting and you ask them if they’re free tonight. They ask you to wait just a second, and then they take it out: the folder.

“Yes!” they say in a high-pitched and chipper voice. “Looks like there isn’t another program until tomorrow!”

You’re now at an impasse. What on earth do you do? Don’t worry, friends! We’ve got you covered.

  1. Casually find a way to see if they’re of age or not. Because the last thing you want to have to deal with before finals is the possibility of being arrested. Just remember to be suave. Don’t say, “So how old are you, anyway? Like seven?” Do say, “I feel such a great connection between the two of us. Were you born in the Year of the Rooster? Because I always thought I’d settle down with a cock.”
  2. Figure out how serious they are about Kenyon. If they’re just here to humor their mom and are pretty set on the University of Iowa, then you don’t have much to lose. But if, after watching the Vlogbrothers, the admitted student has always just dreamed of Kenyon, you may have bigger issues ahead if you decide to hook up. The big question: Is one night of awkward making out worth having to see this individual every day for the next three years? That they will point out to their friends as being ‘that person’ who they hooked up with on Thumbs Up Day.
  3. If your answer was no, then make a quick getaway because you have that bio project to work on, right?
  4. If your answer was yes—God have mercy on your soul—at least try to be as accommodating as you can. Try to think about how you would have liked to have been wooed when you were an accepted student. Ideas include: Shower your selected student with purple glitter and tell them that now is the time to take a tour of your bedroom! Quietly whisper in their ear that the seminar on Ovid’s The Art of Love starts in fifteen minutes. In your pants.
  5. Show them back to their host’s room. Don’t send them out into the rainy April evening with no K-Card and no way to navigate through McBride. Let’s show some of that Kenyon community here guys.

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