A long time ago, we published an article lovingly mocking the nobodies of Kenyon: the sophomore class. No longer eager first-years and not quite worldly juniors, sophomores have spent the year trying to adopt the blasé attitude of those who think they have seen/done everything, but still have a long way to go. And since it’s the end of the year, you’d think that sophomores–myself included–would be well on our way to self-actualization/actually knowing what is going on at Kenyon. The truth is, however, that sophomores are pretty much just as clueless as we ever were and are still saying stupid shit. Read on for signs that you, or someone you may know, are a sophomore.
- “This year’s Sendoff had, like, nothing on last year’s. All those rules really bummed me out, y’know?”
- “I am so over John Green. I got his autograph ironically.”
- “Seniors complaining about comps are so irritating. Like, we get it. You worked hard or something. But you know what? I had two essays due on the same day this semester. I think I can handle comps.”
- “I really challenged myself this year. That’s why I’m taking three intro classes, music lessons and CPR next semester.”
- “Yeah, well, I’d have a great summer internship if I had connections. But I’m, like, not going to play into the man’s game like that. It was totally my choice to work at camp again.”
- “Is it too late to switch my major to sociology?”
- “I am so ready to go abroad.”
- “Sometimes I think that Peirce on a Sunday morning is Hell, but I’m sure that Hell has fewer people that I’ve slept with.
- “I shouldn’t tell you this, but, like, seventeen people liked my Kenyon Confession. I’m practically Internet famous.”
- “I only threw-up in Weaver once this year! That being said, I still have another weekend on campus…”
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