Back in April, this unusually apt Kenyon Confessions poster finally articulated what has been on (perhaps) everyone’s minds since the page’s advent in the fall: this kid Saxon Justice gets tagged, pretty much without fail, in every remotely risqué confession by his friends, or one can only assume, frenemies. Who is this immaculately named Mr. Justice, and why do his friends keep embarrassing him on social media? I sent him a message to him to see if he’d be down to answer some questions as a “semi-campus celebrity,” and though he clarified, “by no means would I qualify myself as that by the harassment I suffer via Kenyon confessions,” he was happy to oblige. 

How many Facebook notifications do you get in a day, on average? Thanks mostly in part to Zach Morrow ’14, 40 or so.

Saxon Justice is the craziest name. How has that been? I’m pretty happy my parents didn’t name me like everyone else. Ironically, my high school mascot was the Saxons, so high school was interesting to say the least, but aside from that I don’t mind.

Have you ever gotten name recognition in public? Around Kenyon, when I introduce myself to someone, they’ve usually “heard” my name, I would attest that to Kenyon Confessions [and] my buddies tagging me in every post under the sun.

Do you have a Kenyon Confessions-related pickup line? Have you ever hooked up with an Internet celebrity? Want that to change ;)? (But actually no, this is just a tease.)

What do you think of your semi-celebrity status, or it it just a nuisance? I would not say I am anything more than another student on campus, but I do enjoy the friendly teasing at the dinner table about posts I get tagged in.

Do your friends make fun of you in real life too? To say yes would be an understatement. I am the victim of friendly joking on a never-ending basis. I feel like I bring that upon myself though.

Do you have a favorite Kenyon Confession? My favorite by far was the confession, “Fuck getting a beach body, the gain train is leaving the station and I have a first class ticket! Bulking season is upon us.” I am a meat-head at heart.

(Blocking out the names on these screenshots brought me back to my days of making “screenies” on Neopets. Seriously though, who is posting all of these Neopets confessions?)