New York Times columnist writing about millennials, probably: “Can someone please tell me the difference between being exclusive and dating?”

Done with hook-up culture: “I’ll be celibate with you.”

I really don’t want to know the context: “Oh, so that’s how you end up marrying someone after only a couple of weeks.”

Buzzfeed procrastinator strikes again: “What percentage dog am I? Probably 100%”

Clever religious studies professor: “One six is evil, three sixes is triply evil.”

Probably from the West Coast: “Listen to the ocean. Amen.”

Well-traveled: “Oh shit, I didn’t know there were timezones in the US.”