Let Me Guess, Your Life Is Falling Apart: The Story of February


Yeah, you heard me. February is here, and the world is already crumbling down around us. Had a shitty weekend? February’s fault. Do you have a lot to read, write, and express in the form of assignment? February’s fault. Are you freezing your left nut off because of the sub-zero temperatures outside? Okay not February’s fault this time, but that’s ok usually that works shhh shhhh shhhh nothing matters.

Have you people heard of a little thing called a leap year? You’re in for a rude awakening, Kenyon folk. It is upon us. The universe shows us no mercy (again! Apparently this happens every four years??) and dumps a whole extra day of February onto our calendars, as if we asked for it. For those who were abroad last spring, or say it’s your first Gambier February ever, buckle up. February takes no prisoners. Your social life dies because it’s too cold to even consider leaving your residence. Testimonials from last winter reminisce:

  • “It made me legitimately sad. Seasonal Affective Disorder is not only real, it becomes your REALITY.”
  • “Time slows down so that it feels like every day is a full thirty days.”
  • “I forgot what the sun looks like.”
  • “Not only did I forget what the sun looked like, but I couldn’t remember how sunlight felt on my skin. I really struggled with that, it bummed me out so much.”
  •  “It’s like the color drains from the whole campus.”

I’m really, truly sorry if you think these balmy temperatures are here to stay. They aren’t. They won’t. Buckle up, LAYER UP (ayo), and see you on the other side (post spring break, naturally). “Stay warm” as the locals say.

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