Whoever searched for that highlighted one is onto something, I know it.

Those of us who run The Thrill are dangerously obsessed with tracking this blog’s statistics. We clamor to see how many views we’ve gotten in the last hour. The most consistently amusing metric we get to see, however, is “Search Engine Terms,” the one that tells us the phrases people internet-wide have Googled (or Yahoo-ed or Binged, but let’s be real) to find their ways here.

I’ve compiled the 10 most entertaining searches, along with links to the posts to which they were most likely directed, from these magical first months of our existence for your viewing pleasure.

1. “partying drunken cats” – This phrase is one of the most popular, having directed some hapless alcoholic feline fanatic to The Thrill four whole times. We can only hope the post proved useful.
2. “sma sex” – This one, however, is by far the most-searched, with 15 hits to its name. Someone out there has a really specific, oft-disappointed fetish.
3. “fragranced dog tags” – The specificity here is intriguing. Not even Walmart, it seems, can satisfy this curiosity.
4. “is it weird to be best friends with your professor” – If you have to ask … you’re probably way more advanced than we’re prepared to handle.
5. “tumblr self love” – Ah, the entirety of Kenyon’s north campus in a nutshell.
6. “hooking up with my friends mom” – Yeah, don’t do that, anonymous searcher. I promise Becca Hafter would advise against it.
7. “person who stuck to new year’s resolution” – If there could be just one person out there, this lonely searcher might feel hope. Alas.
8. “upper case letters on a keyboard” – If you’re still trying to figure out how to do things like “capitalize words” while “typing,” LBIS’s new password rules are way too much technology for you.
9. “www.spunkstars.com” – Allow me to warn you right now: yes, this is porn. No, it is absolutely not safe for work, class or Olin. It does, however, provide an amusing mental image of a sexually excited young gay man who, in his quest to find porn, finds himself sidetracked by some fascinating blog posts about Zora Neale Hurston and Kenyon drama.
10. “are you drunk” – Enough said.