Did you know Josh Radnor originally played Mr. Tumnus in The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe? Due to a contract dispute, Disney substituted a mannequin’s face for Radnor’s using CGI in the final version of the film.

Let’s face it: Our collective campus existence wouldn’t be the same without the illustrious, sparklingly immaculate, smooth beige tube that is Josh Radnor. His career has inspired us, his Old K cameos have been the subject of about a million Yaks, and his messy, unkempt ‘do has had all of us saying “dayum” since his first television debut. But who is Josh Radnor? The subject of too many Thrill posts? Sure. Kenyon.edu’s new Covergirl? You know it. The golden god to whom Zac Efron, beautifully clad in a woven poncho, pays tribute in the classic film Liberal Arts? Absolutely.

But we here at The Thrill have heard a few rumors– rumors which crack the pristine façade Radnor has crafted since his graduation. Rumors which pierce the soul and leave one crying like a newborn child. Rumors which, dare I say it, will change the way we look upon the tender face of our beloved alumnus. And they’re all 100% true.*

1. Josh Radnor doesn’t care for shrimp cocktails. In an exclusive interview, Radnor confided that he has had problems with the popular appetizer since his childhood. “It’s the tomato sauce that gets me,” he whispered, terrified. “I don’t know if I can ever show my face at a T.G.I. Friday’s again.”
2. Josh Radnor has two middle names, and they’re both “Carol.” “It was something I stumbled into while asleep,” Radnor said. “I dreamt I was atop a grassy hill, looking out over a small farm town in Kansas. A horse whinnied in the distance, and a hawk flew over my head. That’s when I knew. I had to have two of them, and they both had to be ‘Carol.'”
3. Josh Radnor’s acting method is entirely based on Ina Garten’s cookbook Foolproof: Recipes You Can Trust. For nearly a decade, Radnor has followed the Barefoot Contessa across the globe in secret, staying in nearby villas as she’s filmed her popular television show. “I’ve been trying to get my hairdresser to cut my bangs like hers for years,” sighed Radnor. “I’m beginning to think I was never meant to rock the ‘Fun Mom’ look. Damn good cookbook, though.”
4. None of Josh Radnor’s fingernails are human. “They’re kale chips,” Radnor laughed. “My life is a nightmare.”
5. Josh Radnor was on campus last weekend. He just didn’t want to see you. Radnor was reluctant to speak on the topic, but finally admitted he “just wasn’t interested in anything you had to offer.” And yes, he means you.

*Everything you’ve read is a boldfaced lie. Gotcha journalism at its finest.